Chapter 1 - Armpits & Coffee Stains

                                                                                       *Tuesday, December 22*

My phone alerted me to an incoming text message.

B-

Meet me in the conference room, 10 mins. Need to talk before meeting at 9:30.

Rose

I looked at the time: 9:10.

Oh please God, I hope she doesn’t expect me to attend this meeting

Yeah I tend to pray a lot when dealing with Rosalie.

Chapter 2 - Drunk Ironing & Snark

“Hey, Bellaboo, care to tell me why my girlfriend is drunk-ironing?” Emmett was standing in my apartment with two open bottles of beer in his hands.

After handing one to me, he continued. “You know that she only drunk-irons when she’s really pissed off, and I get the feeling that you know why.”

When Rose would get really angry she drank tequila. While drinking, she would brood. Then she would drink more tequila and go into Emmett’s closet, remove his shirts and pants, and start ironing.

When we had gotten home, I fixed dinner for Rose and I, but promptly left for my own apartment when she pulled out the tequila.

Chapter 3 - The Snowman & Midnight Mass

I was still a little dazed as I made my way through the grocery store.

I could easily fall for Edward Masen, or Cullen, or whatever. Yoohoo, Bella, did you forget he has a girlfriend? A very well-known girlfriend. And you are, sorry to remind you, a nobody.

 Just like that my former happy mood disintegrated.

Chapter 4 - Grits & Vitamin R

Much later that morning we all stumbled downstairs where everyone proceeded to help make brunch.

I made French toast, and the toppings. Charlie cooked up some sausage. Emmett made his specialty, scrambled eggs, and Rose was in charge of grits and biscuits.

“I may not sound Southern, but I was born in Texas, and my Mama’s from Georgia. Tough shit if you don’t like grits, I’m making them anyway! And besides, it‘s one of the few things I know how to cook!” Rose snarked when Emmett teased her about her grits obsession.

I had to admit that I really liked grits, especially when Rose taught me the proper way to eat them.

Chapter 5 - Kelly Kapowski & The Cougar

The next morning, we needed to return to Seattle. By tradition, we always went to the Forks coffee shop for breakfast. We did this every year because, as Dad put it, “Bella deserved a vacation from cooking after all her hard work“.

We packed up the hummer, and headed out in two vehicles. I rode with Dad in the patrol car.

Chapter 6 - Enchiladas & Store Bought Ta Ta's

As soon as I got home, I threw together the ingredients for chicken enchiladas and a couple of side dishes. While the dinner was cooking, I went to my room to change my clothes.

I decided that I would dress casually. Just the same as if I were home relaxing. I had just slipped into my jeans and my fuzzy green v-neck sweater when my phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Hi Bella, I was just calling make sure you made it home.” Rosalie sounded a little wary.

“Hey Rose, yeah I’m here.”

Chapter 7 - Mercer Island & Mini-bars

“I don’t get to come home as often as I would like, and I actually find myself missing winter. Rather, I miss the change in the weather. In L.A. the weather is just too constant.”

“Unlike here” Rose smirked as she motioned toward the light mist which had forced she and Edward to employ the use of a rather large umbrella as they walked through the Bonsai Garden for day two of Edward‘s interview.

Chapter 8 - The Dude & Dirty Harry

*Wednesday, December 30*

I woke up long before my alarm went off, happier than I ever remembered being before, but nervous as hell. It reminded me of those Christmas mornings when I was a little kid. The night before I’d be so excited that it seemed to take hours to finally fall asleep, but as soon as my body would register that it was morning, I would wake up, tummy full of butterflies, jump out of bed, and go to see what Santa brought. The euphoria overwhelming.

Chapter 9 - Stellar Hineys & Carriage Rides

*New Year’s Eve*

I awoke abruptly from a deep sleep. My dreams so full of Edward, so vivid, so real, so explicit? Coming from the mind of someone who’d never had sex, it was perplexing.

After some time to ponder, I decided to blame my ‘sexy dreams’ on the fact that I’m head over heels in love with Edward a.k.a. ‘Sexward’ Masen.

And also the fact that I‘ve seen his naked tushy.

It’s true that I’d seen several of Edward’s movies over the last few years. But none of them got me ’worked up’ quite as much as September Ends. It was a steamy love story Edward filmed last year.

Chapter 10 - Cosmic Boogers & Black Eyed Peas

*New Years Day*


Emmett had just parked the hummer outside of Saint James Cathedral. He had also just received his first smack-upside-the-head of the New Year, courtesy of Rosalie. The smack being the result of his statement regarding The Feast of the Circumcision being proof that God was indeed a man because “No chick would allow an entire day to be dedicated to the schlotskin!”

Chapter 11 - Fried Ice Cream & A Cup of Tea

I thought about that day. It had been almost seven years, and there were certain memories that were still so fresh in my mind that it was as if they’d happened yesterday.

“The day started beautifully, it was a Saturday in May. I had made plans for my best friend Lianne to come over and spend the night. We were going to do all those typical girl things, paint our nails, talk about boys.” I winked at Edward and he smiled.

Chapter 12 - Hello Kitty Undies & Lucky Thirteen

I was getting ready for Church when Rose popped over for a few minutes. Yes, Church again. After today, I’d be back to only going on Sundays until the next Holy Day arrived. It was probably a good thing, less chances for embarrassment. I used to think Emmett was the main cause of my public humiliation, but lately I’ve been doing a pretty fantastic job of that myself.

“Bella, I’m sorry I can’t go with you this morning.”

“That’s okay Rose. I didn’t expect you to.”

Chapter 13 - Red Roses & Burst Bubbles

The forecast called for cloudy with rain, temperatures in the 40’s. Big surprise. Welcome to January in Seattle. When my alarm went off, I literally dragged myself out of bed.

Vacation was officially over. More importantly, the time Edward and I had together in our little bubble was over. Hopefully, to be revisited when he returns, but apparently, we had a ‘conversation‘ to get through before that could happen.

Chapter 14 - Pedophiles & Daddy's Little Girl

I got the feeling that I’d been sleeping for a long time. I opened my eyes and looked around my room. My alarm clock said it was 5:30, and I was still wearing the clothes I’d had on the night before.

I dragged myself from the bed, picked up my cell phone and switched it on.

Emmett wasn’t kidding.

There were a lot of missed calls from Edward. There were also some from Rose and Emmett, obviously before they realized I didn’t have my phone. Even Charlie had tried to reach me a couple of times.

My poor Dad does not need to worry about me again.

Chapter 15 - Bourbon & Epitaphs

Emmett and I stood there gaping in shock not only at what Rose had said, but at her whole change in demeanor from just an hour ago. We had fully expected Edward to barely make it out of there alive, but instead they both march into my apartment like they were the best of friends.

Where was the verbal tsunami that only Rose can inflict on her enemies?

It seemed to have evaporated. I was stunned into silence. Emmett on the other hand was having none of it. “You’ve got to be kidding Rose.” He said incredulously.

Chapter 16 - Tasers & Interrogations

I was standing in my living room watching Edward sleep. Last night’s talk had been exhausting, and thanks to the drinking, my head was now throbbing. It was so late, or should I say early, when Rose and Emmett finally left, that I wouldn’t allow Edward to go to a hotel. I made up the sleeper sofa for him, and that’s where I found him this morning.

While I slept, it had been oddly comforting knowing that he was in the next room, not miles away at a hotel or at his parents’ house.

Chapter 17 - First Dates & Riff Raff

Edward had made reservations at one of the best restaurants in Seattle. He not only made reservations, he reserved a private dining room. It was lovely with a spectacular view of the river and the city lights.

Rose always talked about this place, and how you needed to make reservations a couple of weeks in advance. I was almost certain that someone was bumped from this room in order to give it to Mr. Movie Star. The perks of being famous were pretty sweet, I had to admit.

Chapter 18 - Haircuts & Pepper Spray

“Well, what do you think?” Edward asked.

“I don’t know Edward. I kind of liked running my fingers through your unruly mop. I may not be able to date you anymore. Maybe Carrot Top is single? Might be worth a shot.” I said as I giggled.

“Very funny Miss Swan.” Edward said with a grin.

We were talking on Skype, and Edward was showing off his World War II era military haircut. It was shorn close on the sides and back, but there was still enough left on top to be able to ‘run my fingers through’ when I see him in Aspen.

Chapter 19 - Aspen & Cold Showers

“Something to drink?” The blandly beautiful flight attendant asked. It would be my second glass of wine, I wasn’t a very good flier. I already had a nervous nature, and flying seemed to increase that exponentially. I needed to be careful or I’d be a drunken mess by the time I met Edward.

I accepted the wine happily. I had to admit that flying first class did reduce my stress level somewhat. Not that I flew coach, or even flew at all that often. The few times I’d flown with Rose, she refused to sit in the ’cheap seats’, therefore we always went first class.

Chapter 20 - Handcuffs & Power Suits

It was Super Bowl Sunday. My brother and Rose were in Florida to attend the game of course. I didn’t want to go, I was still exhausted from the Aspen trip last weekend. So today I found myself alone and lonely.
I had the idea to drive out to Olympic National Park. I wanted to find the lake where Edward and I had spent our very emotional afternoon. I needed to feel close to him again.

Chapter 21 - Valentines & The Masters of the Universe

I never used to care about Valentine’s Day. It seemed a rather silly holiday from the perspective of someone who had no desire to have a boyfriend. Now that I did have one, I’d have to admit that my opinion had altered somewhat.

My boyfriend. Such a simplistic term to apply to one such as Edward. A more apt term might be soul mate, or maybe keeper of my heart.

Chapter 22 - Chipmunks & Oscars

I watched as Wendy tapped her French-tipped acrylic nails rhythmically on her desk, while leafing through a stack of papers with her other hand.

She had asked me to be at her office by four because she had some things to discuss with me. It was now 4:10, and she hadn’t said anything beyond ‘Hello’.

She put down the papers looked at me, narrowing her eyes as she thought.

“Okay Isabella, here’s the thing. There’s something I need to tell you, I’m required to by law, but I don’t want you to freak out.”

Chapter 23 - Perjury & Sweet Dreams

Thursday, March 11

Once again I was seated in court, although this time I was at the defendant’s table with my attorney.

Rose was unable to come with me today. She made up some excuse about a project for work, but I knew she was up to something. She’d been very secretive. The more I thought about it, I realized I probably didn’t want to know.

Emmett was seated behind me with Chip, whose full name, I discovered, was Brian Carter. The courtroom was beginning to fill up with others who were also on the docket today.

Chapter 24 - Vandalism & The Apocalypse

“Edward!” My embarrassment over my brother’s question was momentarily forgotten as I ran into Edward’s arms.

“What happened? I didn’t think you’d be done for a couple more days.”

“I finished my scenes late last night. I’ve had my bag packed for two days hoping this would happen. I hired a private plane to fly me up here early this morning.”

Chapter 25 - Makeup Kisses & Confessions

I tore through my apartment, grabbing things to pack in my suitcase after taking the shortest shower in the history of my life.

Edward arrested?

I didn’t even have enough sense to ask Alice why he‘d been arrested, before I told her I’d be there as soon as I could, and hung up.

I was haphazardly throwing items in my bag when I turned and saw Emmett standing in my bedroom doorway.

Chapter 26 - Waxward & Sexward

Edward came over the next morning, and we decided to hang around Alice and Jasper’s house for a while. We didn’t want to go out in public until we had some idea of the reaction to Tanya’s statement.

Alice had taken the week off of work, sort of. She was on the phone a lot, and did work on her computer part of the morning. The rest of the time she spent rummaging through my clothing, and shaking her head and ’tsk tsking’, before informing me that I couldn’t be seen in public in some of those things that I called clothes.

Great, another Rose.

At least I could forgive Alice, fashion was her life after all.

Chapter 27 - Big Hair & The Lucky Beyotch

The next morning I was kicking myself for letting things go too far in the pool. I had just told Edward that we would take a step back, and there I was practically throwing myself at him, dressed in a bikini no less.

I was in the bathroom again, seemed to be a good place for me to think. I certainly couldn’t think clearly when I was in the same room with Edward. That boy made my brain fog and my body tingle.

A part of me wanted to throw all my insecurities, fear of the unknown, and worries about the future right out the window and ask Edward to make love to me.

Chapter 28 - Captain Jack & Drunkella

I kept hearing chimes.

Why did I drink so much? Bella, Just Say No.

I could feel Edward beside me, but I couldn’t force my eyes open.

There are those damn chimes again. Hey, I know that sound.

I then realized that sound signaled an incoming text.

Who the hell texts someone at, um, whatever the hell time it is, when they’re on vacation?

Chapter 29 - Tidal Pools & Capistrano

In my dream I could hear the ocean. I was at First Beach with Emmett. Even in my sleep, I was aware that this wasn’t a dream, it was a memory.

‘Bellaboo come on, it’s low tide, let’s hike to the tidal pools.’


‘I don’t know Emmett, I fell in last time.’

Chapter 30 - The Southern Gentleman & Caveward

The next morning I actually pinched myself to make sure last night had been real. As we were falling asleep, Edward had explained to me that he never had the aversion to marriage that I did, reminding me how blissfully happy his parents’ marriage was.

He did admit however, that he never thought he’d find anyone he wanted to marry. He was never willing to settle for less than what Carlisle and Esme had, so he‘d been resigned to being alone.

He was as pathetic as I was.

Chapter 31 - Wild Turkey & Jedi Training

I let the hot water from the shower run down my back as I tried to clear my head. It was still relatively early when we arrived back at Jasper and Alice’s. She had been pretty strict about getting home before midnight, because we needed to get up early tomorrow to prepare for the photo shoot.

The guys would get to sleep in. Their plan was to meet us at the park once the shoot was finished. Well, except for Christopher who was in the photo shoot with us.

Chapter 32 - Swing Dancing & The Dearly Departed

We followed the two guards into a building near the front of the park. They led us upstairs and then down a hall to an office. The sign on the door read ‘Director of Security’.

This is really bad if we’re being dragged to the head honcho’s office.

Edward must have seen my worried look, so he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I looked up at him, getting lost in his eyes.

Chapter 33 - Unsolicited Advice & Airline Wings

I wheeled around to see who was speaking. Imagine my surprise when I came face to face with Gloria Powell’s lovely smile.

“Hello there Bella, and you must be Edward” Gloria said politely, as she shook Edward‘s hand.

As if anyone doesn’t know who Edward is. Well Bella, you never know, there are probably some members of an undiscovered tribe in South America that don’t know about him.

Chapter 34 - Ringtones & The Prodigal Son

When we walked into my apartment, it felt as if I’d been gone for a year. In the short span of one week, my life had undergone a seismic shift. Little did I realize that when I left last Saturday, I was leaving my old life behind.

The life where the man I loved had tried to convince me that he didn’t want me any more. The life where our relationship had been like a rollercoaster ride, up and down, incredibly happy and exciting moments, followed by disaster.

What a huge difference a week made. Not only had Edward apologized profusely for every stupid thing he’d said and done last Friday, but we’d come to an understanding. An understanding in which we both realized that we wanted a permanent commitment.

Chapter 35 - Boxer Shorts & Serenades

Knowing that Edward planned to bring me lunch, I shot him a quick text.

E-


Rose needs me. I’m going to the Four Seasons. Don’t know if I’ll be able to have lunch with you today, I’m sorry. Love you.


-B

I was locking up my desk, when he texted back.

Chapter 36 - Wookies & Good Friday

**Note:  This chapter will be much more understandable if you first read EPOV 'Love Rescue Me' through Chapter 5.
********************************************************************************************************

“Dorothy was a pleasant surprise.” I grinned at Edward.

“She is one of my favorite people.” Edward smiled back as he held my hand.

We were on our way back from the Cullens’ house after dinner. We weren’t riding with Emmett and Rose this time. Edward borrowed his Dad’s Mercedes for our trip to Forks, so Em and Rose were following in the Hummer.

Chapter 37 - Lap Dances & Abstinence

Edward turned the engine off and unfastened his seatbelt. Evidently, this was going to take a while. I followed suit and unfastened mine.

He cleared his throat before beginning. He also scrubbed his face with his hands, tugged at his hair, pinched the bridge of his nose, and bit at a fingernail alternately. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see him curl up into the fetal position.

Why is he so freaked out about this?

Chapter 38 - Pool Tables & Revelations

The sound of the smack Rosalie applied to Emmett’s head was music to my ears.

“Emmett, what did you expect Father Pat to say?” Rose asked. “Sure Emmett, continue living in sin with your fiancée, because I know you’re a twenty-eight year old horndog and can’t help yourself ?” Rose said in her best Father Pat voice.

Emmett looked at her incredulously “While the word horndog never entered into my mind, yes I thought he would see reason. I even offered him money.”

Chapter 39 - Creme Eggs & Welcome Distractions

A lot of good it did me to go to Church today, I was pissed off during most of the Mass. I tried to calm down and relax, but every time I caught a glimpse of Emmett’s face, and he smiled, I got pissed all over again.

I could not believe that he as good as told Charlie that Edward was inexperienced.

No way in hell was I going to say the ‘V’ word just now.

Chapter 40 - Some Justice & Escargot

.
“Let all of the poisons that lurk in the mud, hatch out.”
                                                   -Robert Graves, Claudius The God
.

Geri Chance is, quite possibly, the most evil woman I’ve ever known. I say ‘woman’, because my mother’s murderer will always remain the most evil person I’ve ever known.

Emmett and I were sequestered in a waiting room with several ‘guests’ appearing on today’s show.

As I was to find out later, these ‘guests’ were all victims of or witnesses to, the evil deeds committed by Ms. Geri Chance.

Chapter 41 - Pink Chiffon & Man Skirts

“This is going to be harder than I thought Edward. By the time I get home today, it will be after midnight where you are.” I sighed in frustration.

I was on the phone with Edward during my lunch break at WIRI. We were trying to coordinate times to speak and maybe skype with each other.

“My schedule this week is a little flexible because we don’t start filming until next week. Hopefully we’ll find time to skype. For instance, today was spent with wardrobe and makeup, I was free for the day by two o‘clock. Tomorrow will be more of the same with some rehearsals, I’ll probably be finished by four o’clock at the latest. On Friday, I’m supposed to be getting my military haircut once again.” He sighed.

Chapter 42 - Panty Droppers & Belly Dances

“Panty-droppers all around girls.” Rose said in a raised drunken voice.

It was Saturday night, and we were officially celebrating our ‘girls night out’, club-hopping in downtown Seattle. Aside from Tara and Joanna, Rose had invited a couple of her sorority sisters and soon-to-be bridesmaids, Caitie and Tami.

Lou was also with us, at Edward’s insistence. If he was bothered by having to baby-sit six drunken females, he never showed it.

“I like panty-droppers” I replied, for some reason my words sounded slurred. “Edward’s a panty-dropper” I noticed a couple of the girls choke on their drinks “Well, at least his smile is” I continued.

Chapter 43 - Yellow Carnations & First Class

The next week flew by. Thankfully, my classes were not difficult. Unlike a lot of students, I had taken courses every summer. Most of what I was taking now were electives that I needed to take in order to complete the required credits for graduation.

It gave me a secret satisfaction that my nerdy, bookish ways turned out to be good for something. Now, they enabled me to plan a trip to England without feeling guilty about missing a day of class.

Chapter 44 - Genuflections & Surprises

Several hours into my flight, I could see dawn beginning to peek across a horizon of clouds from my airplane window. We were still hours from landing, so after watching the sun, I forced myself to lie down again and try to sleep.

My nervousness, which I’d tried to stifle for days leading up to the trip, was now in complete control of my mind and body. In all of Alice’s great plans for my surprise visit, and forcing me to go First class in order to be ‘well rested’ when I surprised Edward, she’d never taken into consideration that my nerves would make that impossible.

About three hours before we were due to land, I finally abandoned all thoughts of sleep, and surrendered to the fact that I would be a walking, talking zombie during my first day in London.

Chapter 45 - Bubble Baths & Hell's Kitchen

Edward, sensing that I was in no shape to go out for dinner, ordered it to be delivered to the room. I took a long hot bath while we waited.

I was angry with myself for not being able to sleep on the airplane, because the jet lag was kicking my ass. As I relaxed in the tub full of bubbles, I thought about what I’d like to do in London.

Chapter 46 - Chip Shops & Fairy Lights

And there it was. I should have known this would happen. Emmett practically warned me.

Directly in front of me was a double decker bus, stopped at the traffic light, but that wasn’t what had Crystal so animated. It so happened that on the side of this particular bus was a very large, very prominent Calvin Klein underwear ad. And who should be starring in this ad? None other than my beloved brother and perpetual source of embarrassment, Emmett Swan.

Yes, there he was wearing a pair of white boxers, a transparent red ’X’ superimposed over his chest.

Chapter 47 - Champagne & Diamonds

As soon as I faced him, he dropped to one knee. He was holding a small velvet box in one hand as he reached for my hand with the other.

“Isabella…”

Oh my

Edward’s beautiful green eyes had never been so intense as at that moment. I looked into those eyes and saw all the love I had for him reflected back. He cleared his throat. I almost giggled at his nervousness, but knew that my own nerves weren’t faring any better.

Chapter 48 - Bite Marks & Sweet Revenge

He promised to show me his ass. His spectacular hiney. His magnificent gluteus maximus.

But he never did.

I totally showed him my boobies, I think he owes me a peek at his butt.

At least that was how I justified what I was about to do. Edward was sprawled out, flat on his stomach next to me, sound asleep. I, on the other hand, had been awake for ages, staring at the ceiling in the grey light of dawn, thinking about Edward’s naked tush. I rolled to my side and gazed at his perfect male form, his back moved slightly with each breath he took. The lower half of his body was obscured by the sheet. I should have been satisfied with that view. Even his back was beautiful, although I’d have preferred a view of his chest just then.

Chapter 49 - Edible Art & First Steps

“Bella” Charlie spoke urgently. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“I’m okay Dad.” I said as I tried to calm down. “I’m just freaking out a little.”

“Why? Tell me what’s going on Bella.” Charlie said in a demanding tone.

I took a deep breath and began quietly. “I got another flower delivery, and I know it shouldn’t scare me like this, but it does. I can’t help how I feel. It’s just that everything had been going along so well and I’d put the first delivery out of my mind because I’ve been so happy and…”

Chapter 50 - Cake Tasting & Mama Bears

I thought for a minute before I answered Dr. Miller‘s question. The reason for my visit would probably be a good place to start this conversation.

I cleared my throat. “I guess maybe I’d like to talk about why I’m here.“

Dr. Miller smiled and nodded encouragingly.

“Well, you see, I’m getting married, and I know that a few appointments with a therapist won’t be a ‘magic fix’, but I need to do something. Edward worries about me so much. I want to do this for him. To show him how much our relationship means to me. I want to be the best person I can be, for him.” I trailed off.