I got the feeling that I’d been sleeping for a long time. I opened my eyes and looked around my room. My alarm clock said it was 5:30, and I was still wearing the clothes I’d had on the night before.
I dragged myself from the bed, picked up my cell phone and switched it on.
Emmett wasn’t kidding.
There were a lot of missed calls from Edward. There were also some from Rose and Emmett, obviously before they realized I didn’t have my phone. Even Charlie had tried to reach me a couple of times.
My poor Dad does not need to worry about me again.
I felt like shit, physically and emotionally. I knew I couldn’t yet handle listening to the phone messages Edward had left, I needed to clear my head. I walked out to my living room and found Emmett sitting on my sofa, still half asleep. He’d obviously been there all night.
“Hey.” He said as he warily studied my face.
“Hey.” I responded in a voice that even I didn’t recognize.
Emmett patted the space next to him on the sofa. I sat down beside him and hunched over with my face in my hands as Emmett rubbed soothing circles on my back.
“Tell Charlie not to come.” I’d much rather my Dad not be a witness to this particular breakdown.
“Yeah, okay Bells. You should call him though. He’s pretty worried.”
“I will, later today.” I sighed and got up from the sofa. “Coffee?”
“Sure, let me help.” He answered.
“Just come sit with me.” I directed.
We didn’t talk. Emmett just sat and watched me make coffee for him and tea for myself. When I sat down, he placed his hand over mine. We didn’t need to talk.
-----V&V-----
I had decided to go to class. At first Emmett tried to talk me out of it then, when that didn’t work, he offered to go with me.
“Emmett that’s silly.” He looked so worried that I felt compelled to add, “I’m not going to throw myself in front of a truck or anything. I promise. I would never do that to you, Charlie and Rose, okay?”
After a while, he relented and didn’t try to change my mind any more. I took my shower in a daze. I numbly got dressed. I grabbed my backpack, and this time remembered my phone. My morning classes were uneventful. The smirks from my classmates were now accompanied with pointing and whispering in some cases. I didn’t care.
I was so numb, nothing could affect me now. At lunch time I suddenly realized I was starving. I couldn’t remember when I’d last eaten.
When did I eat? I guess it was lunchtime yesterday.
I bought a salad and took it to my car. I didn’t want to be around crowds of people. As I sat there eating, all the things Edward had ever said about Tanya came flooding back. In light of what he’d told me, none of this made any sense.
It wasn’t as if Edward had gotten some physical benefit out of lying to me. We’d never gone further than kissing. But if his goal had been to break my heart, then I’d say mission accomplished. Who would do that?
An evil person Bella, that’s who.
Just then my phone beeped with an incoming text. I decided I’d look. It was from Alice.
Bella-
Please believe me when I tell you he didn’t lie to you. He’s not an ‘evil person’ Bella. He loves you. Listen to him. Give him a chance to explain.
-Alice
Her weird psychic ability didn’t even phase me this time.
I looked at the clock, I still had some time before my next class. I decided to further risk my heart by attempting to listen to Edward’s messages. I went back to the first one, sent early yesterday.
“Bella, call me as soon as you get this. There’s some stuff going around the internet that’s misleading. Please don’t look at anything until I have a chance to talk to you. I love you Bella, please call me.”
He sounded a little flustered, I guess he didn’t like getting caught in his lies. So much for the great ‘actor’. The next two or three messages were much the same. After those, the tone of his messages changed, sounding more desperate.
“Oh God Bella, why won’t you call me? Baby if you’ve seen that stuff on those gossip sites, please don’t believe them. I need to talk to you. Please, please call me.”
I skipped to the ones he sent last night.
“Bella, I spoke with Emmett. I don’t blame him for wanting to fucking kill me. Believe me Bella, if I’d really done anything to hurt you, I’d want to kill myself. Please let me talk to you, I need to explain. I love you Bella.”
When he talked about killing himself, I felt another stab to my heart, just like yesterday. I had promised Emmett that I wouldn’t hurt myself, but for Edward to contemplate hurting himself was unacceptable.
Bella, remember that he attempted suicide once before when he thought he’d hurt his girlfriend. He shouldn’t care that he hurt you, it’s Tanya that he should care about.
Again, nothing made sense.
I decided to listen to the last message he left. It was from about an hour before.
“Bella. I guess you hate me. If I were you, I’d hate me too. I can’t live without you, though. It’s too much, I hate it here. You know what I just did? I was in a meeting with some studio execs, and I told everyone to go fuck themselves and left. I don’t care. I just want you. Please talk to me.”
He sounded so broken. I was sure he hadn’t slept. I found myself worrying about Edward’s health, Edward’s sleep, and Edward’s broken heart.
I was pathetic.
No Bella, you love him.
Yes, and I knew that would never change. I’d go to my grave loving Edward Masen.
I went to my last classes of the day. I was the subject of more of the same whispering and pointing as before. I ignored it as best I could. In the midst of one of those classes, I got a text from Rose telling me she’d arrived back in Seattle. She, of course, wanted to see me at home as soon as I was done with class.
I had an appointment with my advisor at three, so Rose would have to wait a while.
I walked into my advisor’s office expecting to find the affable person I’d known for over three and a half years. Instead, Mr. Cosby looked serious and grim as I took the seat in front of his desk.
“Good afternoon Miss Swan.” He stated coolly.
“Good afternoon Mr. Cosby.” Maybe he’s having a bad day too.
“Miss Swan, I’ll get right to the point.” He said.
I wish he would, because I want to go home and fall apart.
“I need to know if you are serious about your future career? Are you still intending to pursue a teaching position after graduation?”
“Yes, Mr. Cosby. That’s the plan.” I stated dryly.
That was the plan. Before Edward. Now that Edward wasn’t a factor any more, I guess we’re back to old Bella again, and her plans for the future. A future without Edward.
I suddenly had the urge to cry. I wanted to lay my head right down on Mr. Cosby’s desk and cry like an infant. His voice broke me away from my pity party.
“I’m having difficulty believing that Miss Swan. Especially in light of events recently brought to my attention.”
I looked at him with a puzzled expression.
“If you seriously want to teach other people’s children Miss Swan, it won’t do to have an illicit affair with a Hollywood celebrity.”
I sat there with my mouth hanging open. Shocked into silence.
“With all the scandals in the news in recent years regarding teachers having inappropriate relationships with their students, I would have hoped that a young woman such as yourself would not be so indiscreet.”
What? I’m a whore, and possibly a future pedophile? What the fuck?
“How can a parent be comfortable leaving their child in the care of someone who has no regard for their own reputation?”
You know those stages of grief they’re always talking about. The stages you experience after a death or breakup or as, in my case, losing your soul mate, the love of your life, the reason for you existence? Well, I knew at that moment that I had just made a beeline for stage 2: Anger. I was angry, pissed off, ‘ready to set the building on fire’ mad.
“Mr. Cosby let me just interrupt you right there. You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not having an ‘affair’ with anyone. I’m assuming you’re referring to some rumors and idle talk found on disreputable websites. The people that write that garbage don’t know me. They have no idea what I’m like, they know nothing about my life.”
“Miss Swan, the photos speak for themselves.” He answered in an arrogant tone.
“Well then you shouldn’t believe everything you see. Maybe you should seek an explanation before you jump to erroneous conclusions!” I said angrily. “And Mr. Cosby, I believe that my personal life is just that, personal. Which would also mean that it’s none of your damn business!”
I stormed out of his office, and headed toward my car. I thought about what I’d just said to Mr. Cosby, and realized the truth of my words.
I shouldn’t believe what I see without at least letting Edward give his side of things. If he truly lied to me, I owed him nothing. But, I owed myself and the love I felt for him, the opportunity to know everything, no matter how much it may hurt.
I pulled out my phone and sent a text.
Edward-
I’ll talk to you.
-Bella
Less than a minute later, my phone chirped with a response.
Beautiful-
Thank you, that means so much to me. I love you so much.
-Edward
I was surprised that the phone didn’t ring with an incoming call as soon as I read the text, but it remained silent. I got in my car and headed for home, glancing now and then at my silent phone.
I wonder why he hasn’t called me.
I couldn’t think about this any more. My head hurt, and I was dead tired.
Rose and Emmett were waiting at my apartment when I got there. Rose immediately pulled me into a tight hug. She pulled back and studied my face, not saying anything for a few minutes.
“I’m sorry Bella.” She said remorsefully.
“Rose, why on earth are you sorry?” I was confused.
“I didn’t try hard enough to stop your involvement with him. My first instincts were correct and I should have fought harder to protect you.”
“No, Rose. I wanted this more than anything I’ve ever wanted. I should have known that I wasn’t meant to have the fairy tale. When have I ever?” I sat down dejectedly on my sofa.
“Come on honey, you’ll get through this. We’ll help you. You’ll never be alone.” She said as she put her arm around my shoulders.
“I know Rose, but you guys shouldn’t have to constantly be worried about me. You’re getting married, you need to have a life together that doesn’t always include me.”
“You’re part of our life Bells, we can’t change that. We wouldn’t want to change that.” Emmett chimed in.
Rose nodded. “Listen, I’ve ordered pizza, we’re going to relax tonight. I’m staying here with you.” She arched her eyebrow when she noticed I was going to argue. “No arguments from you missy.”
I kept quiet.
After dinner, Emmett went back to their apartment and I excused myself to my room in order to phone my father.
“Hi Dad.” I realized how sad my voice sounded.
“Hi baby. How are you? The truth.” Dad sounded upset. “Do you need me to come to Seattle?”
“I’ll be alright Dad. It was just a shock, you know?“
“I understand kiddo. Listen, do I need to go down to L.A. and sort this out?”
“Dad please, no. I actually decided to hear Edward’s side of things because I need to get this behind me.”
This will never be behind me. I secretly wonder if I just want to talk to him again because I’m so hopelessly in love. In love with someone I can’t have.
“Are you sure Bells? I don’t want him to hurt you any more than he has already. You’re still my little girl, and I won’t allow some bastard to do this to you. I don’t know what I’ll do if you go back into that depression.” Charlie’s voice cracked.
“I can’t promise that I won’t Dad, all I can tell you is that I’m fighting against it now. I’ll go back to the doctor if I can’t handle it.”
For several years after my mother’s death, I was on anti-anxiety medication. I was finally able to wean myself off when I started college.
“Okay honey. Why don’t you plan on coming home this weekend. I think it would do you some good.” He asked hopefully.
“That sounds like a good idea Dad. I’ll call you tomorrow, and thanks.”
“No need to thank me for anything Bells. Stay close to Rose and Emmett until this weekend okay?”
“Okay Dad, I love you.”
“Love you too baby, goodbye now.”
“Bye.” I felt so terribly sad, and very sorry for myself at that moment.
I walked quietly out of my room, stopping dead in the living room doorway when I saw Edward’s face on the television. Rose was watching one of those evening entertainment news shows.
Hollywood is in a uproar today after reports surfaced of ‘bad boy’ Edward Masen cursing at movie executives and walking out of a meeting this morning.
The video showed Edward storming out of a building being followed by a pleading Jasper as Edward got in his car and sped away. I wasn’t startled by seeing Edward on television, but I was startled by his appearance.
He obviously hadn’t shaved. His clothes were rumpled, as if he’d slept in them. Although by the looks of him, I would have bet that he hadn’t slept in two days.
Insiders said that issues of a ‘personal’ nature had Masen upset to the point of lashing out at others attending the meeting. Maybe girlfriend, Tanya Madison, hadn’t been as forgiving of his indiscretions as we had originally thought. Stay tuned for further developments in this story.
Rose was muttering to herself, when she saw me standing in the doorway. She immediately shut off the television.
“Bells, I’m sorry you had to see that.” She jumped up and came over to me. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just so you know Rose, I texted Edward and told him I’d listen to his side of things. I need that in order to have closure.”
“No way Bella, he’ll try to manipulate you again. I’m not letting that happen.” Rose wasn’t going to change her mind this time, I could tell.
“Well, it may not matter any more anyway. As soon as I let him know I was willing to talk, he stopped calling. Maybe he can’t think up a good enough lie after all.” I said sadly. “Listen, I’m going to shower and then probably head to bed. If you really insist on staying here, you can either make up the sleeper sofa or sleep in with me, okay?” I could feel the fatigue overtaking me again.
“Sure honey. I’ll be up for a while yet, you go on to bed. Emmett’s staying over at our place.”
After my shower I crawled into bed, dead to the world.
I was awoken by voices coming from my living room. I glanced at the clock. It was still night.
Ten-thirty? What’s going on.
I opened my door a couple of inches so that I could hear.
“Please Rose, I have to talk to her. None of those reports are true, you have to believe me.”
Edward was here? How long had they been standing there arguing?
“I don’t have to do anything Masen, except kick your sorry ass back to Hollywood where you fit right in with all the other phonies.” Rose was beyond pissed.
“I never lied to Bella, I’ll admit I didn’t tell her everything, but I was planning to tell her this weekend, I swear.” Edward sounded awful.
“I’ll do anything. Please Rose I can’t lose her.”
I was glad I couldn’t see Edward’s face because it would probably further break my already shattered heart.
Rose seemed to be thinking for a minute. “Alice called me tonight. For some reason she’s on your side.”
“Alice knows everything.” Edward answered quietly.
“Well then why don’t you enlighten me Edward? I’m dying to know what the big secret is. I can promise you that it better be fucking impressive if you expect to get past me to talk to Bella.”
I walked closer to them, and Edward spotted me over Rose’s shoulder.
“Bella” he whispered. The expression on his face was heartbreaking. I walked toward him, it was so easy to forget how he’d broken my heart.
“Stop Bella! Don’t you move one step closer to him.” I stopped, sensing that Rose was beyond reason and I didn’t want her any more upset.
Rose thought for a minute. “Masen, come with me.” She then turned to me. “Bella, you stay here until I come back.”
“Okay.” I said, defeated.
Edward didn’t take his eyes from mine until he was in Rose and Emmett’s apartment. I closed my door, and sat on the sofa.
A few minutes later I heard muffled voices out in the hall, and then my door flew open. Emmett came in, walked over to the sofa and sat down beside me. He was fuming.
“Rose sent me over here while she talks to that asshole.”
“It’s okay Emmett, Rose will get to the bottom of everything.” I said weakly, not holding out much hope that Edward will regain Rose’s trust.
I fought to keep my eyes open, but after a while I lost the battle. I had just drifted off to sleep against Emmett’s chest when my door opened again.
Rose was standing there, the angry expression gone from her face. She actually looked a little stunned. Edward followed her into my apartment.
“Bella, after the events of the last two days, I find it hard to believe I’m going to say this.”
“What Rose?”
“Come with me Emmett, we’re going back to our apartment. Edward needs to speak with Bella alone.”
Emmett and I both gasped in shock.
She then turned to Edward with a small smile, patted his hand and said “Good luck.”
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