“I don’t get to come home as often as I would like, and I actually find myself missing winter. Rather, I miss the change in the weather. In L.A. the weather is just too constant.”
“Unlike here” Rose smirked as she motioned toward the light mist which had forced she and Edward to employ the use of a rather large umbrella as they walked through the Bonsai Garden for day two of Edward‘s interview.
Edward laughed. “Well, I guess the precipitation is fairly constant here, but at least the temperature changes with the seasons.”
This portion of the interview focused on all of Edward’s travels and his involvement in several international charitable organizations. I hadn’t realized how ‘worldly’ he was.
Yes, he’s traveled the globe and lived an exciting, meaningful life. While you, on the other hand, lived in shitty places all over America with your unstable mother.
So far, he’d mentioned travels to South America, Africa, India, New Zealand, Germany, Morocco, Switzerland and England. I lost track of how many different places in America he’d been.
I’d love to see those places. Amend that, I’d love to see those places with Edward.
“Ironically, I’ve never made a film close to home.” Edward continued. “That, however, will be rectified next fall, when I start work on Enemy Combatant which will film portions here in Seattle.”
Wow, that’s news to me. Something to look forward to anyway.
Soon, part two of the interview was finished. I helped disconnect the mics again from Rose and Edward.
“I’ll see you tonight Bells, I’m headed back to the station to work for a couple more hours.” Rose called to me as I got ready to leave with Edward.
Back at Edward’s hotel I went over his schedule for the next day with him.
“Okay, so you’ve got a photo shoot with Seattle About Town magazine in the morning, it’s supposed to last from 10am to noon. Then the last part of Rose’s interview takes place in the television studio from about two-thirty to four-thirty.”
I noticed Edward looking at me with an intense expression on his face as I told him this.
“Edward, are you okay?” Naturally, my insecurities took over, and I began to wonder if he regretted asking to ‘date’ me, and was now looking for a way out.
“God, Bella” he grimaced. “You’re going to think I’m some kind of psycho stalker.” He had both hands in his hair, pulling for all it was worth.
What’s he talking about? Maybe I’d think he was a stalker for asking me out, but now he’s come to his senses? I feel sick again.
He started pacing while continuing to pull at his hair or pinching the bridge of his nose alternately.
“Just say it Edward.” I braced myself for the heartbreak I knew was to follow.
“It’s just, I know I need to slow down where you are concerned, but I don’t seem to be able to.”
?
“I just want to spend more time with you. I may be developing an unhealthy obsession, there‘s a distinct possibility that I‘m coming unhinged.” He chuckled darkly. “The bottom line is that when I heard Rose say she’d see you later tonight, I realized I probably wouldn’t, and that bothered me.”
He’s really struggling with this.
“Edward, I’m confused. What are you saying exactly?” my voice sounded so desperate.
“Okay, well, here’s the thing. Bella would you go with me to my parents’ for dinner tonight?”
He wants me to meet his parents. He wants me to meet his parents?
He looked so lost, like a little boy. I was certain that he expected me to say no.
I couldn’t. I was quickly learning that I would never be able to refuse him anything.
“Okay” I answered in a whisper.
“Really?“
“Of course Edward.“ His brow smoothed, and a beaming smile lit up his entire face.
He was so elated that he grabbed me into a fierce hug. I stiffened, not with alarm, just with surprise. He noticed. Almost immediately, he released me, apologizing.
“Bella, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Edward” I took his hands, and moved closer facing him. “I said things were different with you, and I meant it. You just surprised me that’s all. I thought you had come to your senses, and were going to tell me you were no longer interested in seeing me.“ I explained softly. “I realize that the only thing about this” gesturing between him and myself, “that could truly hurt me, would be if you walked away.” I admitted.
“That will never happen Bella, I’m in this for the long haul.”
This time I hugged him first.
----------V&V----------
I arrived home at about 4:30. Edward said he’d pick me up at about 6.
Rose had texted me earlier, and I knew she was already home.
Time to face the music.
I stowed my purse and coat in my apartment, and then walked across the hall. Rose was smiling when she answered the door.
Yeah, that’s not going to last long.
“Hey Bells, I was just coming over there to see if you were back yet.”
“I’m here.” I said in a small voice, as I walked toward the living room sofa.
Rose eyed me carefully. “Okay, what is it?” She asked.
“What’s what?” I answered, looking anything but innocent.
“Bells, I’ve got all night to wait for an answer.” Rose crossed her arms and waited.
“I…I… alright I give up.” I flopped down on the sofa in defeat.
Rose came and sat beside me. The expression on her face still questioning.
“Okay, so Edward and I have been getting acquainted this week.” I said as I played with a stray thread on the hem of my dress.
“Uh hm.” Rose raised one eyebrow, frowning at me.
“Before you get angry, hear me out Rose. We discovered that we have this attraction to each other that neither of us can explain. It’s like a magnetic pull, or something.”
“Really Bella, does he feed that line of bullshit to all his girlfriends?”
“No Rose, I’m speaking for me, ME!” I hated raising my voice.
“Edward told me he has no girlfriend. I still don’t know all the details, but I believe him Rose. We’ve been slowly learning about each other. I’ve been telling him my story.”
Her eyes opened wide with surprise.
“Bells, you told him…” she said in a small voice.
“Not everything yet Rose, but I will soon. I’m learning more about him too. The real story, not the one in magazines.”
Rose looked worried.
“Rose, I know you and Emmett love me, and I know you worry for me. But I’ve got to see where this leads. I think I may be falling in love with him.”
Rose gasped.
“If he is telling the truth Bells, I’ll be his biggest defender. But if he’s playing some sort of game, I…”
“I know Rose…you will rip his balls off!” I shouted.
We both stared at each other, and burst into laughter.
“Okay, give me some love” She said while grabbing me into a hug.
“Sorry Bells, I really want the best for you, I just worry. It’s not completely my fault, remember my motto.”
“Yes Rose. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” I said. “And kill all the motherfucking witnesses to ensure an acquittal.” We both said as we laughed.
“Are we good?” I asked her tentatively.
“Yeah, for now. I’m just having a hard time getting used to this ‘new Bella’, you’re going to have to give me some time. So, are you seeing him tonight?”
“Uh….oh God.” I stuttered
“Bells, what’s wrong?”
“He’s taking me to meet his parents tonight.” The thought of meeting them had suddenly become a glaring reality, and truth be told was scaring me shitless.
Rose’s jaw dropped in surprise. Seeing the panic in my eyes, she said, “Okay then, what are you doing standing here? Let’s go make you beautiful. Well you‘re already beautiful but, oh hell, you know what I mean.” She said with a wink as she pulled me back across the hall.
----------V&V----------
Six o’clock exactly. Edward certainly is punctual, and adorable, and huggable, and kissable, and lickable, and ‘doable’. Yeah right Bella, you wouldn’t know what to do with him if you had an instruction manual and a GPS. It sucks to be clueless and awkward. Not to mention emotionally unstable and completely inexperienced.
My inner bitch was killing my hopeful mood.
I’m better with Edward, I’m approaching normal when I’ m with him. I tried to argue back.
I opened the door to find Edward standing there, already smiling. Gah, he got more handsome every time I saw him.
He stood in dark brown dress pants and a light tan button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up part way. He looked me up and down, and laughed.
“We match again.” he stated.
And so we did. For this evening, I had chosen a brown dress with spaghetti straps, and the top part of the dress was covered with a tan see-through lace mid-drift top.
“You are so beautiful Bella.” He murmured. “Are you ready to go?”
“As I’ll ever be.” I murmured, but I smiled because he was calming my fears just with his presence.
“Don’t worry Bella, my family will love you, Alice already does.” He smiled as he took my hand.
We chatted a little on the ride to Edward’s parents’ house. He told me that Jasper and Alice, who were staying at the house, would be there for dinner. It made me a little less nervous to know this.
The Cullens lived out on Mercer Island, so it took about twenty minutes to get there from my apartment.
I should have expected it, but I was still awestruck when I saw their house. It was massive and gorgeous.
Sidney deposited us in the circular driveway at the main entrance to the house. I gazed up at the house in wonder. Before I could stop myself the word “fuck” escaped my lips. Quickly realizing what I had done, I covered my mouth in embarrassment.
I heard Edward chuckling at my reaction.
“It’s just a house Bella. If it affects you this much, you may need a valium before you see my place in L.A.”
He was enjoying this way too much.
He just said I would see his home in L.A. pinch me awake now, on second thought let me sleep forever….
“Excuse me for being a little stunned Mister movie star, who’s used to this kind of thing.” I said as I turned to face him. “Remember I’m from a small town. Hello… my Dad’s a cop, and my Mom was a sometime kindergarten teacher, so I can be impressed by this.”
“And since you think I’m so amusing, I’ll just say that your parents have one fuckawesome house! So there.” I very childishly stuck my tongue out at him.
“I hope that’s a good thing.” I heard a woman’s voice from behind me.
O my hell. Don’t tell me, Edward’s mother is standing right behind me. I thought her son was the only person with a talent for sneaking up just in time to witness my verbal diarrhea. It must be genetic.
I felt my face flush as I plastered on the sweetest smile I could conjure and turned to face the person that went with the voice.
Standing behind me was not one, but two people who I assumed to be Edward and Alice’s parents, both witnesses to my verbal faux pas.
They were stunning. Edward had his Dad’s facial features, but his Dad had blue eyes and blonde hair that was starting to grey. I had to remind myself that he was a doctor, because this man could rival any movie star I’d ever seen. He was almost as handsome as his son. Almost.
Edward’s mom had the green eyes and copper hair which were passed on to Edward. She was lovely, with the same ethereal beauty which she passed on to Alice.
“If our son would compose himself, he could introduce us. I’m assuming you’re Bella?” The lady with the beautiful voice asked.
I looked at Edward and realized he had been laughing his ass off this entire time. I glared at him.
“Thanks Edward, you’re a lot of help.” I said through my gritted teeth.
This brought on more laughter.
Jee-bus.
“Yes, I’m Bella.”
“We’re Edwards’ parents, obviously. I’m Esme.” She said smiling, while taking my hand. She didn’t exactly shake it, she grasped it in both of hers.
“And this is Carlisle.” She gestured to the man standing beside her.
Carlisle smiled, but didn’t touch me. I wonder if Edward warned him not to.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Bella.”
“Thank you Doctor and Mrs. Cullen for inviting me to dinner. I apologize for the um, you know, what you heard me say a minute ago. I’m really trying to curb my potty mouth. Obviously not trying hard enough…I‘m seriously considering checking to see if there‘s some sort of 12-step program…”
They both started chuckling at my ramblings. Edward also looked amused.
“Don’t worry about it Bella. I’ve been know to ‘let fly’ with a few inappropriate words myself.” Esme told me, trying to put me at ease.
We followed Edward’s parents inside, and found Jasper and Alice smiling and waiting for us. I was momentarily distracted by the most gorgeous foyer I’d ever laid eyes on. It had a split staircase leading up to a mezzanine overlooking the room. I felt like I’d just walked into the Von Trapp family mansion in The Sound Of Music.
This time I kept my mouth shut in order to avoid the verbal spew.
“Hi again Bella” Alice said as she hugged me. Her touch had the same effect as her brother’s. It made me feel calm. Jasper gave me a smile and a little wave from where he stood.
We all went into a beautiful sitting room in the rear of the house. The entire back wall was made up of floor to ceiling windows and two sets of French doors looking out over the water. The view was breathtaking, and I could see a pier with a large boat moored there.
I fell easily into conversation with Edward’s parents. They were fascinating and very friendly. I gathered that they were both born into wealth, but that it definitely didn’t rule their lives.
They seemed to be most comfortable talking about how proud they were of their children’s accomplishments, and their involvement with their favorite charities. I knew they had to be friends or at least acquaintances with the cream of Seattle society, but they never once mentioned any interest in the usual pastimes of the idle rich.
Carlisle was the head of surgery at Seattle General. Esme owned her own interior design company. Both very time-consuming careers, but I got the impression that they made sure to have plenty of time for each other.
I noticed that Carlisle looked at Esme the way I would often catch Edward looking at me. I suddenly felt a little dizzy and panicked when I realized that look was one of deep affection and love.
“Oh Bella dear, are you alright? You look flushed, can I get you something to drink?” Esme asked, concerned.
“I’ll be fine Esme, it’s just been a busy day.” I tried to brush off her concern. Edward was immediately in front of me with a glass of water, evident worry on his face.
After a while, we all settled in the dining room for dinner. As we ate, Esme and Carlisle regaled me with stories of Alice and Edward as children.
“Bella, it’s so hard to describe the way they were, well the way they still are. They were born so close together, Alice is only eleven months older than Edward. They are so in-tune with each other’s moods and feelings that it’s a little disconcerting.” Esme said, a serious tone coloring her statement.
Without thinking, I looked at Edward and said “You and Alice are Irish twins.”
Everyone looked at me with puzzled expressions.
“Oh, sorry. Just an expression I learned from my priest. Irish twins are two children born into the same family less than a year apart.” I blushed at having drawn attention to myself.
They all smiled at that.
“Well, I would say that’s an apt description. They act like twins. That, coupled with the fact that Alice has always had that uncanny psychic ability to know something before it happens, made for a very strange home life.” Esme said with a laugh.
“Unfortunately, Edward doesn’t always listen to my advice. You would think he’d have learned by now that I’m always right.” Alice said with a smile at her brother.
Edward smiled indulgently at his sister and shook his head.
Dinner with Edward’s family was wonderful. His parents were funny, articulate, wealthier than Midas, but very self-deprecating. The time spent with his parents left me with a much better understanding of what made Edward tick.
After dinner, Edward took me on a tour of the house. I chuckled to myself thinking that when I took him to Charlie’s, the grand tour would take all of about five minutes.
I’m already planning to take him to Charlie’s. Wow, I’m beginning to not recognize myself any more.
He took my hand in his. “Is this okay?” He asked, looking at our clasped hands.
“Definitely okay, Edward.” I said with a smile.
Hand in hand, we walked through room after elegant room. I was overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the house.
We ended up in his childhood bedroom, which immediately sent me into giggles when I remembered Emmett’s fantasy.
I wonder if Edward had that fantasy too? Who am I kidding? I’m sure he’s fulfilled that fantasy repeatedly.
That thought immediately sobered me up.
Edward badgered me relentlessly to tell him why I had been laughing. Finally, through my evident blush and hands splayed over my face, I confessed the story of Emmett’s childhood fantasy, and how it was fulfilled on Christmas night.
Edward laughed as I told him the story, then he grew noticeably uncomfortable as he glanced around his room. The silence that followed was deafening.
“Um, Edward, I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward, I was just laughing at the ridiculousness that is Emmett. This being your ‘childhood bedroom’ just triggered the memory.”
“It’s fine Bella. It’s just that it’s been a long time since I’ve had any kind of fantasy like that.” He sighed.
Of course he doesn’t need fantasies, he can have any girl he wants, any place, any time.
He pulled me to sit beside him on the bed, and looked into my eyes. His were bright and alive, although his usual self-confident air seemed a little off.
“If I were to tell you that you were making me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time, what would you say?” He asked, the trepidation clear in his voice.
“What things do I make you feel Edward?”
“If I were to tell you that I want to be with you all the time Bella, that I never want you to go home. If I were to admit that I hate saying goodbye to you.”
He hesitated before continuing, studying my reaction. He must have liked what he saw, because he continued. “If I were to be completely honest, and tell you that I want the same thing Emmett wanted, but with you. Only with you, no one else, no one else ever.”
I gasped. Edward wants me. Even in that way. He wants no one other than me.
To say I was shocked was a gross understatement. I sat there for a moment, gathering my thoughts. I knew I needed to let him know how I felt about him, and not leave him hanging there after spilling his guts.
We were already holding hands, so I turned to face him, still sitting on his bed. I grasped his other hand in mine and spoke quietly.
“Edward, if you were to tell me those things, I would have to tell you that ever since we met, you’re the first thing I think of when I wake up. You’re the last thing I think of before I go to sleep. You’re in my thoughts every moment that we’re not together.”
A smile began to take over Edward’s beautiful features.
“I would say that my logic tells me that it’s impossible for someone like you to want someone like me, but my heart wants it to be true more than anything.” I said in a whisper.
Edward shook his head. “Isabella, I told you before that you don’t see yourself clearly.”
He sighed and ran one of his hands through his hair, still holding my hand with the other one. “I always thought I was content, even happy within myself. I have my family, my career, my charitable work, and I always felt those were enough to sustain me.“ He said.
“The moment I met you, everything instantly changed. I walked out of that television studio like a man who had been struck by lightning. I actually couldn’t decide if my feelings for you were a good thing or a bad thing. It was so strange, so foreign.“
“For the past several years, I have perfected my public image and demeanor into this calm, unaffected, arrogant, well let’s be honest, everyone thinks I’m sort of an asshole. When I’m with you, all of that falls away and I sometimes feel like an insecure seventeen year old again. It’s unnerving, exhilarating, but also calming all at the same time.”
“I’m quickly learning that you’re everything I never knew was missing in my life. Everything I never knew I needed and wanted.”
How could this be his life? This was my life he was describing. He had a girlfriend, even if they were no longer together. He had never lacked for the companionship of beautiful women. The person he just described had no romantic life, no significant other to share life’s experiences with.
“Isabella” He looked at me while moving his face closer to mine, “Bella” He put his hands on my shoulders, pulling me closer. “Keep very still, I just want to try something.” His breath was blowing across my face, as his lips came closer to mine.
And that was the exact moment that Alice barged through the door.
“Okay Edward, you’ve monopolized Bella long enough.“ She sang while grabbing my hand and pulling me from the room. “Mom and I want to have some ‘girl time’ with Bella, go find something to do with Dad and Jasper.“
“But” Edward started to protest.
“No buts, just go.” I could see that Alice was not to be challenged.
Edward followed us, defeated.
***V&V***
I was sitting with Esme and Alice in the Cullens’ beautiful sunroom. The sun had set hours ago, but the room was so cheerful and full of beautiful plants and flowers that I immediately wanted to stay forever.
“So Bella, do you have the dates of your Spring break yet?” asked Alice.
“Oh, yes, I meant to text that to you. It’s March 20 to 28th.” I said resigned to the fact that I would be going to L.A.
“Wonderful! Now that that’s settled, I’ll plan our itinerary for the week. At the moment though, I’m going to get us something to drink, be right back.”
Alice danced out of the room.
“I guess I’ll look into airline tickets tomorrow. I‘m not sure what Rose is going to do.” I said, more to myself than anyone.
“Nonsense.” said Esme. “Let me buy that for you Bella. It will be a late Christmas present.”
I was shocked. I barely knew Esme, and she wanted to buy me an expensive gift like that. “No Esme, I couldn’t let you do that.”
“Yes you can, and you will.” She responded. I suddenly realized where Alice got her ‘won’t accept no’ attitude.
“Don’t look so shocked Bella. I’m just so glad that Edward has found you, I could burst with happiness.” She said, the smile on her face was dazzling, but I was freaking out.
Found me? I wonder what he’s said about me?
“Bella, I don’t think you realize just how smitten Edward is with you.” She continued.
At that moment, Alice appeared with a tray of cocktails.
“As a matter of fact, my dear, you’re the first girl since high school that he’s brought home for us to meet.” Esme smiled as she patted my hand.
I was beyond shocked. I could feel my throat getting dry.
“Here Bella, I thought you might need this.” Alice smiled a knowing smile while handing me a drink.
Freaky psychic power.
“I don’t understand.” I said quietly. “He’s dated a lot of girls….”
Esme and Alice gave each other a look that I’m sure they didn’t realize I caught. Esme cleared her throat uncomfortably.
“Well that’s his story to tell I suppose. We didn’t mean to make you feel awkward. We want you to feel at home here.” I couldn’t question the sincerity in Esme’s voice.
After a while, Edward found us, took my hand, and led me away.
“Let’s go for a walk.“ he murmured quietly.
We bundled into our coats, hats and gloves and went out behind the house. The outside was lit up like a Christmas tree with fairy lights everywhere. He took my hand as we walked to the dock, then he helped me climb aboard the boat moored there.
“Edward are we going somewhere?”
“No, I just wanted to sit outside to talk, and this boat has really comfortable seating.” He grinned.
It was surprisingly warm on the boat.
I wonder if there’s some sort of heater on board? Really Bella? Why are you worrying about that when you’re getting some ‘quality alone time’ with Edward. I hope Alice doesn’t come find us again.
We snuggled into the cushioned bench, and once again he took my hand.
“I wanted to ask you a little more about your plans for the future Bella.”
“Oh no Edward. I decided that since we’re on your home turf, tonight should be a night I can find out about you.”
He smirked. “You decided this hm?”
“It’s only fair Edward. I’ve bared my soul to you, I think I’m entitled.”
He then smiled sadly and kissed my nose. “I agree, I haven’t been very fair. Ask away Miss Swan.”
“Okay. Well, I hope it’s okay to ask this, here goes. Have you ever had your heart broken?”
Edward tried to control his expression and keep it in a frozen mask, but I saw some of the light in his eyes die.
Oh no. I should have thought about this a little more. How was I to know he’d suffered a broken heart? I wish I could take back the question.
Before I could stop him, Edward began to answer, and heaven forgive me, but I was too curious to let him off the hook.
“I thought I was in love once, and she did break my heart. Although, now that I’ve met you, I realize the feelings I had for Meghan couldn’t have been love. Those feeling were nowhere near as intense as those I have for you. It’s the difference between night and day. Therefore, I suppose we’ll have to categorize what I felt for Meghan as a crush.” He grinned.
“Meghan?” I asked.
“Yes, Meghan Walters.” He got serious again as he continued. “We had been dating since we were both fifteen, in the spring during 9th grade. We broke up two years later, in May of our junior year, not long before I moved to Hollywood.”
“Physically, we never did anything more than kiss. I was willing, even anxious. I was a normal teenage male after all. But she didn’t want to, and I didn‘t push her. I assumed she needed more time.“ He drew in a deep breath, then let it out in a huff.
“For the night of Junior Prom, Meghan had agreed to stay over at a hotel with me. My parents were surprisingly forward-thinking, and allowed me to plan the weekend. I booked a beautiful suite and went there beforehand to fill the bedroom with flowers and candles. I was pulling out all the stops. I knew in my heart we loved each other, and that this would be the night we would both lose our virginity. We were almost eighteen and I couldn‘t see any reason to wait a moment longer. It just seemed like the right time.“
He surprised me by chuckling darkly before continuing. “Little did I know that the reason Meghan never wanted a ‘physical’ relationship with me was that the entire time we’d been dating she’d been secretly fucking some dude that was seven years older than her.”
I gasped in surprise. Mostly because I couldn’t imagine any girl choosing some other guy over Edward.
“I’ve worked with the best actresses in Hollywood, but I’m here to tell you that Meghan had them all beat.” He said with a bitter smile. “She’d been using me. To her parents, I was the ’nice boyfriend’ that she would go out on dates with. They weren’t aware that half of those ’dates’ were spent in an apartment with her ‘real’ boyfriend getting high and screwing, while I stayed home, oblivious, abiding by her rule of not seeing each other on school nights.“ Acid evident in his voice.
“You have no idea how messed up I was after I found out Bella. It really did a number on me. I have major ‘trust’ issues because of everything that happened.”
“How did you find out Edward?” I was almost afraid to hear the rest of his story, but I felt compelled to know.
He hesitated for a long moment, seemingly deep in thought. “Are you sure you want to know? It’s not a pretty story.”
“Edward, I will never think any less of you. Please tell me.”
He looked into my eyes for a long moment. “After what you told me, I owe this to you. Bella, I’m about to tell you things I haven’t spoken of with anyone outside of my therapist for years. But, you deserve to hear my truth.”
He took a deep breath and squared his jaw. “Prom night started normally. I went to her house, we posed for photos, went back to my house, more photos. I took her out to eat at the top of the Space Needle, I wanted this to be an evening to remember.”
“About an hour into the prom, she started a fight with me. I didn’t know what I had done. I was completely clueless. In front of everyone, she began shouting at me. She informed me that she wouldn’t be accompanying me to the hotel, but would instead be staying with one of her girlfriends. She even slapped me in front of a roomful of people.”
“She accused me of ‘stifling’ her, and being too….what was the word she used?..oh yes, needy.” He huffed and shook his head.
“Maybe I was a little obsessive compulsive in those days also.”
He shifted his weight, pulling me a little closer to him, I knew we were approaching the most difficult part of his story, and my presence somehow comforted him.
“When I look back on it now, I’m sure that she must have been on some kind of drugs. I’d never seen her act that way before. She stormed out of prom, me running after her like a little puppy. She wouldn’t stop to talk to me, but walked out to the main road and hopped in a cab she must have had waiting there.”
“I felt so torn between hating myself for something I must have done, and hating her for being so irrational, that I decided to get trashed.”
“I went back to my hotel suite. I couldn‘t even go in the bedroom because it was an ugly glaring reminder of what that night was supposed to have been. Instead, I broke into the well-stocked mini-bar and proceeded to ingest every bottle of liquor I could until I finally passed out.”
I felt his body start to stiffen, and his arms go rigid.
“This next part of the story is very difficult for me Bella.” he said, practically choking on the words. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“Edward, it’s just me here. There’s no one else around that can harm you in any way.”
He sighed and pulled me to his chest, laying his head on top of mine.
“I was woken some time the next day by a roomful of police officers screaming at me as they tossed me around, trying to wake me up. I was aware that I was in nothing but my boxers, and the hotel suite was destroyed. Because of all the liquor from the night before, my stomach immediately lurched, and I vomited on the officer closest to me.”
“I remember him throwing me back with evident disgust, and another officer reading me my rights, while placing handcuffs on my wrists. I was still so drunk that I couldn’t understand anything they were asking me. I remember telling them that I had been with Meghan the night before and that she was a frigid bitch. I even signed papers without even reading them, I was so out of it.”
“Finally, I sobered up enough to shut up and ask for a lawyer. After that, they were forbidden from asking any more questions. My father arrived with our lawyer and they informed me that I was being charged with rape, assault, and other unspeakable things. Meghan had given a sworn statement against me, and in my state of drunkenness and/or hangover, I had even signed a confession.”
Edward’s head dropped into his hands. I was horrified. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hold Edward until his pain went away.
Oh please God, don’t let it have been true. This beautiful man just isn’t capable of such vile, disgusting acts.
He continued, his voice ragged with emotion. “I couldn’t remember anything, I didn’t know if I was guilty or not. Understand Bella, that at that point, I didn’t know about the scumbag she’d been seeing behind everyone’s back.”
“The judge at my arraignment was a friend of Meghan’s father, and he denied my bail. I was held in jail for several days, and as each day passed, because I couldn’t remember what happened, I became more convinced that I was guilty. I imagined that I had found Meghan in my drunken state, and done those things to her. I was the lowest, most vile creature alive because I had hurt the thing I most cared about.”
“My parents aged ten years that week. I felt so guilty for causing my family this stress and heartache. I hated myself. I wanted to die, and by the end of that week, I even went as far as to attempt suicide.“ Edward slowly pulled both his sleeves up to reveal the fading scars on both wrists.
Just like mine.
“Oh Edward no.“ I cried as I hugged his neck, my tears flowing down my cheeks. I sobbed for a few minutes, until he was able to soothe me, and I calmed to hear more of his story.
“After my suicide attempt, I was kept under observation in the psychiatric ward of Seattle General, while under police guard. A couple of days into my stay, all charges against me were dropped.”
“At first the only thing anyone would tell me was that Meghan’s real attackers had been taken into custody. I was not a suspect, and had in no way been involved in the assault.”
“I almost went out of my mind thinking about someone hurting her, even though I was relieved that it wasn’t me. I still thought I loved her, and couldn’t bear the thought of the horrible things she’d gone through. I also felt responsible for ‘driving her away’ to be hurt by some random guys.“
“Since I was no longer in ‘police custody’, my parents were able to spend more time with me. I was still under ‘suicide watch’, but because of his position in the hospital, Dad was able to influence my doctors to speed up the process to release me.“
“My Dad realized that the catalyst to the suicide attempt was that I believed myself guilty of harming Meghan. He also realized I needed the entire story so I wouldn’t harbor any guilt about what happened to her.”
“After Meghan had left me at Prom, she had the cab drop her off at Jimmy‘s apartment, Jimmy being her scumbag twenty-four year old boyfriend. She arrived unannounced and found Jimmy and his friend Dave snorting coke and having sex with a couple of girls.”
“Meghan went off on them and starting hitting Jimmy. He sent the girls away, and was able to calm Meghan down. Once she was calm, he proceeded to beat her severely for embarrassing him.”
Edward choked out the next words in a whisper. “He and his friend Dave raped Meghan and did unspeakable things to her until they eventually passed out.”
“At some point, she was able to make her escape. A good Samaritan found her staggering alongside the road, and took her to the closest hospital. The emergency room staff called the police and her parents.”
“Her Mother and Father immediately assumed that I was the one who had hurt her. The police arrested me, and Meghan was too afraid to tell the truth, and have to admit all the things she’d been doing for the last two years.“
“Somehow she heard about my suicide attempt and what little compassion and decency she had left forced her to finally admit the truth to her parents and the police. Meghan went into rehab, Jimmy and his friend were arrested, and I was freed.”
“After hearing the whole story from my Dad, I broke down. I was relieved that I hadn’t hurt anyone, but I descended into a deep depression which left permanent scars on my mental well-being. I refused to let anyone get close to me with the exception of my family. When you told me about yourself Bella, the pain I saw on your face mirrored my own in so many ways. Although my physical pain was self-inflicted, the mental anguish I suffered was excruciating. I knew you were someone who could understand that, as I understand yours.”
“I couldn’t bring myself to return to school for the last month of my junior year. My parents made arrangements so that I could complete the work at home. I was just so afraid that everyone would know that I‘d been arrested. And you know as well as I that even if the charges were dropped, there would still be those people that believe the accusation alone is proof of guilt.”
“What I didn’t know at the time was that, behind the scenes, my parents worked relentlessly to clear my name of any connection to the horrors of that night.”
“The numerous mistakes made by the arresting officers actually worked in my favor. While still in my drunken stupor, they had asked my age. I told them I was eighteen, and they stupidly didn’t verify it. As you may or may not know, handling the case of a juvenile is vastly different than that of an adult. They also had me sign a confession while clearly intoxicated.”
“Our team of lawyers threatened to sue not only the police department, but the city of Seattle and state of Washington for all their screw-ups. As a result, my arrest file, which was supposed to be sealed when the charges were dropped, was instead destroyed, and every associated document with my name on it was shredded.”
“Meghan’s family was well-connected, and worked tirelessly to keep her name out of the news, and that benefited me also because it was well-known at school that I was her boyfriend. It also didn‘t hurt that our lawyers threatened to sue the Walters family if my name were ever to be associated in any way with her or with what had happened.”
“The story was all over the news, without mention of Meghan’s name of course since she was still a minor. Jimmy and Dave’s faces and lives became a public fascination until their conviction, then they too were forgotten.”
He finally seemed to be breathing normally.
“My parents were so incensed over the police department’s handling of my situation, that they used their money and influence to start a foundation specifically designed to provide legal representation and aid to minors.”
“My father has spent the last seven years making friends with every influential member of Washington state politics. My situation frightened him so much that I think he has been trying to prevent anything like that from happening to his family ever again.”
“As for myself, the entire clusterfuck left me an emotional wreck. When I got the call to move to Hollywood just after my birthday, it was a Godsend. I was able to escape from Seattle, and anyone who knew about my ordeal. I was able to lose myself in my new life.”
“Just after I moved to California, my parents let me know about all their efforts and assured me that everything had been taken care of, and that my public image and career would never be tainted by what happened.”
“When you told me how you felt about your family Bella, I completely understood. I owe everything to my parents, Alice, and even Jasper.“
“Alice was enrolled to attend college on the east coast. Everything was set, she even had an apartment. Jasper and Alice were high school sweethearts, and he was getting ready to start his second year of college. The fashion school that Alice was attending would have been only be an hour’s drive from his school.“
“Alice cancelled all her plans on the east coast and enrolled in a school in California, just to be closer to me. She knew I would need her.“
“I can’t even describe to you the intense guilt I felt for taking her from the school she’d had her heart set on, not to mention taking her away from Jasper. We had horrible arguments because I didn’t want her to do that for me, but she wouldn’t listen, and wouldn’t change her mind.“
“I’m so grateful she was so stubborn because there were many times over the next few years that I wouldn’t have made it without her. When I was working things were easier, because I would completely focus on the job at hand. It was the time between projects that was dangerous for me. My depression was all-consuming at times. My guilt was eased slightly when Jasper transferred to California for his last two years of school.”
“Even though my parents had assured me that my name was in the clear, I didn’t want anything following me to Hollywood, so I used my Grandmother’s maiden name of Masen. I‘m sure that people back home recognized me when my first movie was released, but no one ever publicized my real name or the details of the worst period of my life.”
“I have a feeling that my parent’s lawyers were and still are working on my behalf in that regard.”
We sat for a long time as I thought about everything he’d told me. I couldn’t believe the Hell he’d been through. But, as he said, I could empathize with everything he felt.
Edward was very quiet and I wanted to make sure he didn’t misunderstand how I felt after his ‘confession’.
“Edward, thank you for telling me what happened to you. It means more than I can say. What I mean to say is, you mean more to me than I can say.” I added quietly.
“We certainly are a ‘fucked-up pair’. Maybe we can help each other and go forward together. Now that I know you, I can’t bear the thought of being without you.” I admitted.
He raised his eyes and looked into mine with a hopeful expression. He smiled and brushed a stray hair behind my ear. “Beautiful Bella, I can’t face a single tomorrow without you. I love you.”
Those three little words, overplayed and overdone in songs, movies and books throughout history. Those three little words were, at that moment in time, and coming from the man I knew I loved, exactly what made this the defining moment of my life.
Time for the truth Bella.
“I love you too Edward, so much.” I admitted in a soft whisper.
The smile that lit up his face was blinding. Before I knew it, his hands were cupping my face and bringing my lips closer to his.
I almost expected Alice to appear at that moment because, yeah, that’s the kind of shit that happens to me.
But there were no interruptions, nothing to intrude on our own personal bubble at that moment as Edward’s lips met mine for the first of what I hoped to be thousands of kisses.
The electric hum that always existed between us increased as our kiss intensified. I felt Edward’s tongue glance across my bottom lip and my lips parted for him.
Kissing Edward was the single most intense and pleasant physical act I’d ever experienced. I could only imagine how intense other acts with Edward could be.
Whoa Bella. Don’t go there.
We finally broke the kiss when we both felt the need for oxygen.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for a week.” Edward breathed. “How are you? I was afraid it would upset you.”
“I’m fine, no, let me rephrase, I’m spectacular.” I smiled.
Edward laughed, the happiest, most carefree sound I’d ever heard him make.
“That was just, wow” was all my brilliant mind could conjure to say.
He smiled and agreed, “Wow is a bit understated, but it will do.”
“Bella, do you remember the text on Christmas about what I wished for?” He asked.
I nodded my head, my lips refusing to form words, until they were kissed again.
After a little while, and some more kissing, some passionate, some merely sweet, I became aware of how late it had gotten.
I could see that Edward was spent, after his lengthy, gut-wrenching confession, so I suggested we go home. After taking our leave of Edward’s family, we loaded into the back of the car and Sidney proceeded to drive back to my apartment. “The next time we come out here, I’ll take you for a drive in the Vanquish.” He stated with a smile.
“And when will that be Edward?”
“What are you doing this weekend?” He asked as he pulled me close against his side.
“I think I’m going for a ride in a fuckawesome car.” I said as I winked at him.
We laughed.
We finally said goodnight at my apartment door. “Goodnight Edward, sweet dreams, I love you.” It was getting easier to say every time.
“Goodnight Beautiful Bella, I love you too. You are my whole world now.”
Hope, a foreign emotion for so many years, filled both my heart and my mind.
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