The next morning I was kicking myself for letting things go too far in the pool. I had just told Edward that we would take a step back, and there I was practically throwing myself at him, dressed in a bikini no less.
I was in the bathroom again, seemed to be a good place for me to think. I certainly couldn’t think clearly when I was in the same room with Edward. That boy made my brain fog and my body tingle.
A part of me wanted to throw all my insecurities, fear of the unknown, and worries about the future right out the window and ask Edward to make love to me.
A larger part of me knew that we needed to wait, and that there were a myriad of reasons why that was necessary. I went over the list in my head.
Number one, Edward had tried to end ‘us’ only four days ago. Not enough time had passed to prove he wouldn’t do that again. The true test would be when the media comes up with some sensational story that we have to deal with as a couple. Edward had to prove that he wouldn‘t overreact every time I got upset. I didn’t want to go through life having to hide my reactions from him, because I was afraid he would leave.
Number two, it had only been two days since Tanya’s confession had taken the pressure off, and we were able to venture out in public without fear. The initial public reaction had been positive, but even I knew that wouldn’t last.
Number three, Edward was going to leave soon for an entire month. It would be torture enough to be separated, without adding the physical longing to the mix.
I thought about all my reasons. How much time needed to pass before enough time had passed? When would I be ready for a real physical relationship with Edward? I knew in my heart that Edward was my forever, and that he felt the same way about me. His love was everything to me.
As I mulled these things over in my mind, the answer was suddenly obvious. I realized that the part of me that was holding back wanted something more, something permanent. If I were to give myself to Edward physically, I would want to be his in a permanent way. If we were to spend the night together in that way, then I wanted to spend all our nights together. I didn’t want one of us to have to leave to ‘go home’ at some point. I wanted our ‘home’ to be together.
This realization of what I really wanted hit me like a wrecking ball, and stunned my mind.
Holy crap Bella, do you want Edward to propose?
Maybe.
The strangest thing about this was that I’d had a cynical view of marriage since I was a child. My parents’ divorce and my traumatizing separation from my father and brother had turned me against the whole institution.
But that was before I’d met Edward, and realized true love was possible for me. That was before I’d met his parents and seen the love and adoration they had for each other. Watching Alice and Jasper together was another confirmation that I needed to rethink my stand on marriage.
Not to mention Rose and Emmett, neither of them could live without the other Bella. You‘ve been a witness to that for years.
But you and Edward? marriage?
My brain had just given me a lot to think about. How could I seriously expect Edward to be thinking marriage after knowing me such a short time?
Maybe all the pressure and crazy events of the last three months had finally driven me around the bend.
Bella, looks like you have actually lost your mind. I knew it was only a matter of time.
Maybe I was crazy, but after having my epiphany, my mind, which had been a jumble of emotions for months, finally calmed. It was as if, now that it knew what it wanted, it was content to wait for it.
I couldn’t think about this right now.
I proceeded to put those thoughts away, knowing that at some point in the near future Edward and I would need to talk about this, at which time I fully expected him to run far, far away from me.
I needed to put on my game face right now, or he would hound me for the rest of the day about something ‘bothering me’, and we’d have that dreaded conversation a lot sooner than I wanted.
So I put on the cute sundress and sweater Alice had packed for me, and ventured out to find the love of my life, my epiphany safely tucked away in the back of my mind.
By the time we left Edward‘s house, it was so late that I supposed ‘breakfast’ would have to actually become ‘brunch‘. Sidney drove us to a posh restaurant.
Mr. Movie Star wants me to experience his side of Hollywood today.
Edward informed me that a lot of Hollywood people came here to talk business over lunch.
We’d just gotten our drinks when I started to notice the rich and famous beginning to trickle in.
We were seated in a booth with me facing the entrance. I was driving Edward crazy every time I spotted a celebrity behind him.
“I can’t believe it. Guess who I just saw?” I whispered to Edward.
“Why don’t you just tell me Bella.” He smiled, amused.
“Jude Law just walked in. He’s going in the other direction though. I’m sorry but, you won’t get to see him.”
“Pity.” He smirked.
The waiter brought our food, but that didn’t slow down my gawking. “Ryan Reynolds.” I squeaked out.
Edward shook his head. “And he’s with Scarlet.” At that, Edward turned his head to look. I kicked him under the table.
“Ow!” He turned back and gave me a dirty look. “What was that for?”
“For being such a guy. You decided to look when I mentioned Scarlet.”
He grinned apologetically. “She’s not my type Bella. I prefer brunettes.” He said as he reached across and grasped my hand.
How sweet.
“Besides, she’s married, and having lunch with her husband.” He grinned.
Or maybe not so sweet.
“Ugh” I yanked my hand away.
“What?” He said innocently.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know what. And she went brunette for Iron Man 2.”
He chuckled. “Bella, you know I only have eyes for you.” He said as he went back to eating his omelet.
“Oh my God Edward. Look over there. No, on second thought, don’t look, it would be too obvious. I just saw Denzel Washington, he’s sitting right over there, but now your big head keeps getting in my way.”
He laughed out loud at that.
“Sorry, you don’t really have a big head, just big hair.” He laughed again and shook his head. “Sorry that didn’t sound right either.” I looked at him apologetically “I love your big hair.” I said with an impish smile.
“Bella, I can see that I am impeding your attempt at voyeurism. Let me see what I can do about that.” He then got up and came to sit beside me on my side of the booth.
“I’m not being voyeuristic Edward.” I whispered. “These people aren’t doing anything sexy or intimate while I’m spying on them.” I smirked.
“Some people would argue that eating is very intimate.” He whispered, his eyes gleaming.
He quirked one eyebrow, picked a grape from my fruit salad and proceeded to place it in my mouth. After that he took a strawberry, dipped it in cream, and offered it to me. After I’d eaten it, he dipped another one, swirled his tongue around it, licking off the cream, and took a bite.
I watched his mouth intently, and felt myself blush all the way to my ears. Breathing normally was also becoming difficult.
Oh my. Sexward is back.
I think I will have to officially change my motto from ‘Fuck My Life’ to ‘Lucky Bitch’.
I then decided to beat sexy Eddie at his own game.
He dipped another strawberry and held it to my lips. I didn’t take the bite right away, instead I swirled my tongue, licking off the cream, and then closed my eyes and moaned quietly as I bit down.
Edward sat there stunned as I grabbed his wrist. He gave me a puzzled expression, but relaxed his hand. I dipped his finger in the cream, brought it to my mouth and swirled my tongue around it before capturing it with my lips and sucking gently.
I heard the sharp intake of his breath and saw his eyes widen slightly at my actions, and then an endearing crooked smile overtook Edward’s features.
“Alright Miss Swan. I surrender the game. This probably wasn’t the right place to start it, but I couldn’t help myself.“ He whispered as he pulled me close.
“You are just too cute for you own good.” He said as he kissed my nose, and then pecked my lips.
I smiled at him.
At that exact moment, Denzel walked by smiling in our direction, my eyes met his, and he winked at me.
Holy crap. One of my Hollywood crushes actually winked at me after he witnessed me tongue-fucking my boyfriend‘s finger.
“Edward” I whispered, stunned. “I think you’d better get me out of here before I embarrass you any more than I already have.”
He chuckled. “As you wish my love.” Then he whispered. “You could never embarrass me Bella.”
--V&V--
“Alice, I can’t do it.” I was almost physically ill. Alice had just informed me that our little photo shoot was for none other than Vanity Fair.
At the thought of being photographed for such a high profile magazine, my self esteem had plummeted into the negative numbers.
There was no way plain, boring little Bella Swan could pull this off. Alice and Rose, on the other hand, could do anything. It would take very little effort to make both of them look as if they’d just come down from Mount Olympus to spend the afternoon with us mere mortals.
“Bella! For the love of Christian Dior, would you stop your whining!” Alice scolded. “You are beautiful and sexy. Edward knows this, and after this photo shoot, so will the rest of the world!”
“Alice, this article is to showcase your designs right?” I asked. “So why are you posing in it. Don’t you worry about your anonymity?”
Alice smiled as she thought for a moment. “The interview is already done. Actually they interviewed both Christopher and myself.” She bit her lip as she looked out the window. “This article will be our ‘big reveal’. After this, everyone will know who really runs Brandon Miles. They will even know that I‘m Edward‘s sister.”
I gasped in shock.
Alice looked at me knowingly “Bella, it was time. The need for secrecy is behind us. Since Edward met you, everything has changed. I kept my anonymity for him, not for myself.” She smiled.
“In the interview, I stressed how important my family is to me. How I didn’t want my career to interfere with Edward’s in any way. Now, we‘re both well established, and the Tanya nonsense is no longer a factor, it‘s time for everyone to be honest. Our families no longer need to hide.”
“Therefore, it only makes sense that Rose, my husband’s sister, and you, my brother’s girlfriend, be photographed with me. We’re family after all. Jasper and I feel that way, and Mom and Dad already love you like a daughter.” She said as she gave me a little hug.
I felt a lump forming in my throat. I’d done nothing to earn a place in Esme and Carlisle’s family except love their son. Seemingly, that was enough. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes as I thought of Esme’s kind smile and Carlisle’s gentle words the last time I saw them.
I’d lost so much when my mother died. I didn’t think I deserved anything beyond the little family I already had in Charlie, Emmett and Rose. It seems that I was wrong. Not only did I now have Edward, but also a whole new family to love. Knowing I couldn’t keep the tears at bay, I didn’t answer, I just hugged Alice back.
I guess I’ll shut up and do the stupid photo shoot.
--V&V--
Christopher, Alice and I were enjoying the afternoon sun on Alice’s patio, while sipping our vodka sunset cocktails.
Chris had arrived a couple of hours before with two assistants for my fitting. Alice also had me fitted for my bridesmaid’s dress while I was here. The assistants had gone, but Chris stayed behind.
“When are the men folk getting back girls?” Christopher asked. Although I’m sure he was only truly concerned with Jasper‘s arrival.
I giggled. The alcohol already making me a little too happy.
“I don’t know Chris. We’re supposed to go out for dinner, so hopefully they’ll show back up soon.” Alice answered with a smile.
She was so on to Christopher.
I miss my boyfriend. Why isn’t he back from that stupid interview yet?
Chris sighed and then looked at me. “Bella, I have to tell you that I haven’t wanted to reach through the television and strangle anyone in a long time.“ He said as he quirked an eyebrow. “But that’s exactly what I wanted to do to the trailer park trash that was spouting lies on television last week.“
What?
Then realization dawned on me.
Oh, Jeff’s sister.
“If I ever see that slut in person, I may have to cut a bitch.” Chris said earnestly. “Unfortunately Bella, there’s always going to be someone out there talking and there’s always going to me some media hound willing to listen. I hope you will just ignore them and focus on what’s important. From what I could tell, you’ve survived a lot of bad things, honey, but now you finally get to have some good experiences to replace the bad. I only spent one afternoon with you and Edward, and could tell immediately that you were perfect for each other.”
I don’t know if it was the effect of the alcohol buzz, or the fact that I felt incredibly comfortable with Chris and Alice, but I proceeded to spill my guts to them about what my life was like after my mother’s death, up until I met Edward.
Before I knew it, Alice and Chris were sniffling and reaching over to pat my hands in a comforting gesture. “Oh sweetie, don’t tell me that you never went to prom?” Alice was horrified.
“No, Alice. I didn’t want any boy to get too close. I couldn’t do the whole dancing thing.” I said sadly.
She looked at me through her bleary eyes “But with Edward it’s different?”
“Yes, Edward has changed everything. He has helped me heal in so many ways. Once I found him, it’s as if the rest of the world lost its menacing edge.” I said quietly.
I then went on to tell them how much I loved Edward, and how I wanted to be with him forever.
“That’s just the sweetest thing.” Christopher was actually weeping. “Alice” he gasped with sudden inspiration “We have to do her wedding gown!”
What the fuck? Okay so Alice sees the future and Chris is what? Some kind of mind-reader?
“When that time comes, I’ll be ready.” Alice answered with a smug smile.
I took another swig of my drink.
And that’s how Edward and Jasper found us, three sloppy drunks lolling around on the chaise lounges.
Because of Chris’s inebriated state, we didn’t want him to drive, so Edward had Sidney take him home. All I wanted to do was sleep for a little while, so Edward helped me to my room and laid down with me.
I kept drifting in and out of sleep.
“Baby you’re so restless. Would it help if I sang?”
I made an attempt to nod my head. I assume that Edward understood because a few seconds later I thought I heard, or maybe just imagined him singing quietly beside me as my mind lingered just on the edge of sleep.
It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole
I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before, I will not do it any more
I’ve always been a dreamer, I’ve had my head among the clouds
But now that I’m coming down, won’t you be my solid ground?
--V&V--
Edward let me sleep for a couple of hours, then woke me for dinner. We were going to an Indian restaurant in Beverly Hills.
Alice, of course, was decked out in a full sari, correction, a mini-sari. She’d tried to get me to wear one, but Edward and I had decided to be casual tonight. I was so comfy in my hoodie and jeans that she’d have to pry them off of my cold hard corpse if she expected me to change.
Edward wore his jeans and beanie, so together we made a very underdressed, ’un-Hollywood’ couple.
As expected at a place like this, the paparazzi were posted outside. They began shouting questions at us. We ignored them, hoping they’d go away.
“Hey Isabella, do you hate Tanya for what she did?” shouted one.
“Do you think the studio should renew her contract after this?” questioned another.
The studio started all this bullshit.
“Edward can you pose for one shot with the lovely Bella?”
Edward grinned at me, and we kept on walking.
After a delicious dinner, and over protests from Edward and I, we ended up at a night club. We were led to a dark booth in the corner, hopefully it would be a while before anyone recognized Edward.
“You guys need to loosen up.” Alice slurred.
Yeah, we were drinking again.
“Alice, we don’t need a nightclub and alcohol to enjoy ourselves.” Edward answered.
“You two act like old people. You need to act your age!” She said as she took a swig of her drink. “Come on Jazzy, let’s dance.”
I looked at Edward. “Maybe she has a point.” I lifted my glass. “To acting our age.”
Edward smiled, sighed and clinked his glass with mine.
Two hours and many cocktails later, I’d been coaxed onto the dance floor by Edward a few times, and had to admit that acting my age was one of my new favorite things. We were all pretty drunk when I went off to the ladies room to check on Alice. Even in my drunken state I’d realized that she’d been gone a long time.
As I approached the hallway leading to the rest rooms, I understood her delay. The line had grown considerably since the last time I’d been. As I got closer, I heard murmuring voices, Alice’s ringing loudly above the rest.
“Stay away from Edward you skank.”
“Who are you to tell me what to do?“ I heard a whiny voice reply. “This isn’t your business. Last time I checked, your husband was only his manager. You aren’t involved. If I were you, I‘d be careful or someone will snatch that delicious Jasper away from you.“
Alice laughed loudly. “That will never happen Dina. Anyway, we were talking about Edward, not my husband.”
“If I’d known Edward really wasn’t with Tanya those times we went out, I’d be a lot closer to him by now.” Dina sneered.
Oh, Dina was one of Edward’s ‘arranged’ dates.
“He has a girlfriend. Are you so drunk that you don’t remember that?” Alice accused.
“That little nobody can’t compare to me. Hell she can’t compare to any of the women here tonight.” Dina laughed.
“You know, you’re right.” Alice answered. “She can’t compare to a roomful of silicone and botox injected tramps like you. Bella is real. She‘s truly beautiful, sweet, and honest. She’s the most decent girl I’ve ever met. She’s perfect for Edward.”
“Something you could never be.” Alice declared as she walked away.
I wonder how many times this happens? I’d been so wrapped up in how I was being treated by the media and the general public, that I hadn’t given a thought to how my friends and family were handling all this.
Alice was quickly becoming as dear to me as Rose.
I stopped her as she walked past and gave her a meaningful look. “Thank you Alice. I feel the same way about you.”
She put her arm around my shoulders and led me back to our booth. “I think we’ve had enough of Hollywood people, let’s go find our guys.” She said as she smiled.
People had started to recognize Edward, and alcohol was making them bold. We found the boys trapped in the booth, surrounded by bimbos.
When dealing with whores trying to steal your man Bella, always remember ‘WWRD’. What would Rose do?
“Excuse me girls, but I believe you’re blocking our seats.” I said politely but forcefully. No need to provoke an argument.
Bimbo number one turned to sneer at me. “I don’t think so.”
Don’t look at me like that skankarella.
“Correction, your boobs are spilling out of your dresses and are almost on our table.” I said in a voice I didn’t recognize as mine. “Considering how many plastic surgeons office those things have visited, it’s unsanitary to have them splayed across the table.”
See Bella, I told you someone could have diseased tits. You never believe me.
“And if you get any closer to my seat, your ass will be in it. I doubt there’s enough penicillin on earth to save me from what’s growing in your vagina.”
Edward’s mouth fell open, and Jasper, who was sipping his drink, choked and sprayed it across the table, all over skankarella number 2.
Alice’s face lit up with a brilliant smile, as the bimbo brigade shot daggers at both of us, then backed away and disappeared. We had another drink with the boys, then we grabbed them both by the arms and got the hell out of there.
Sidney was waiting outside to take our drunk asses home.
On the way there, I caught Edward staring at me. He looked just as loopy as I felt.
“What?” I asked him.
“Bella, you are soooo pretty. Did you know that?” He said as he leaned in for a kiss, missed my mouth and landed it on my chin. “I love you sooo much.”
“You’re pretty too Ewaaard.” I declared.
Bella, you drank so much that you forgot how to pronounce that pretty boy’s name.
“Shut up bitch!” I told my subconscious.
“What did I say?” Alice asked, drunk and offended.
“No, not you Ali. I was talking to myself.” I giggled.
I love my Ali, I‘d never call her a beyotch.
“You do that too?” She chirped. “I talk to myself all the time. I don’t call myself a bitch though.” Her brow creased as she concentrated. “But I have called myself a whore before.”
Jasper’s eyes shot open with a look of surprise.
“Why are you saying that to yourself Ali, um, the hooor word? You‘re not a hooker.” In my mind, I actually sounded intelligent.
“Oh I get quite angry with myself for being a whore sometimes.” She said, matter-of-factly.
Edward and Jasper both looked freaked out now.
“What is wrong with you two retards?” Alice asked them.
“Alice honey, I wish you’d stop referring to yourself by that term. It makes me quite uncomfortable for my wife to call herself that, and even more troubling wondering why you would call yourself that?” Jasper answered. Wow, even drunk he sounded like the perfect southern gentleman.
“Oh Jazzy, you are too funneee. I’m not a real whore.” She slurred as she kissed his cheek. “I’m just a media whore. I looovvve all the publicity that Brandon Miles gets. I pimp out my designs at every public event, just to get more attention.”
No way I’m as drunk as Alice.
When we got home, I crawled into bed still fully clothed. I felt Edward flop down beside me.
“Ga-nite Ewarr, I love you.” I whispered.
“Goonite Bell” He took a breath “ a. I love you too.”
He placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek as I drifted off to sleep. As I slipped into unconsciousness, I thought I heard him whisper. “If I asked you, I wonder if you would you say yes?“ He slurred as he put his arms around me. “hmm Bella Cullen.”
From far away I heard my own voice mutter “I’m a lucky bitch.”
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