"Miss Swan" An unfamiliar voice called to me. "Miss Swan, I need you to try and open your eyes, can you do that for me?"
The strange voice took me by surprise. Was someone looking for me here in the forest? I tried to do what the voice asked, but opening my eyes was difficult.
When I was finally able to manage it, the forest around me disappeared and I was met by a glaring light overhead, instantly causing my head to throb painfully. I recognized the familiar surroundings of a hospital emergency room.
How did I get here?
At that point I wasn't sure which was the dream; the forest, or the ER.
"She's waking up, page Dr. Cullen." I heard a voice say.
Dr. Cullen? Edward's Dad is here?
"Miss Swan, can you tell me what happened to you?" A young doctor with a kind face asked.
At least I thought he was a doctor.
"The Ranger kidnapped me." I croaked out. My mouth was dry and my words were slurred.
The Ranger
A sudden panic gripped me as I thought about him. "You have to tell the police. They have to catch him before he gets away."
"Calm down Miss Swan, you're safe now." He soothed.
"Where is Edward?" I managed to ask as my eyes blurred again. "I want Edward."
"She's losing consciousness; let's take her up for the CT." Was the last thing I heard before drifting off.
I was lying on the ground in the clearing, waiting for the police to find me, the cell phone beside me on the grass. It seemed to be taking forever. While lying there, it began to rain again. After a while, I was getting soaked, but I knew I couldn't move to the protection of the forest because they might never find me there.
Edward must be frantic
"I love you Edward." I mumbled.
"Dr. Cullen, she's trying to speak." An unfamiliar voice sounded somewhere to my right.
"Bella, if you can hear me, you're in the hospital and you're safe." It was Carlisle's voice I heard then. "We're going to give you a mild sedative now. You're probably going to sleep for a while."
But where was Edward? Where was my Dad and the rest of my family?"
-V&V-
It was so dark and strange here. What an awful place. I tried to move my arms, but couldn't seem to lift them.
Am I dead?
Maybe I'm not dead, maybe I've been buried alive.
There were muffled voices all around me, and then I heard Emmett's voice very close to my ear.
"I know you need to rest, but I have to tell you how proud I am of you baby sister, you're every bit as brave as Mom." I heard him draw a breath. "I was so afraid that we'd lost you." His voice cracked. "I love you Bells, and I'll be here when you wake up." His voice faded away then.
I really tried to wake up…but every time I tried, I seemed to be pulled into deeper water. All around me I could hear the whispered words of love from my family.
Is this real or am I dreaming?
I had a fear that I was still lying in that field waiting to be rescued.
"You are an amazing woman." Rose whispered. "Get some rest and we'll talk when you wake up Badass Bella." I could hear the smile in her voice.
Badass Bella? What?
"I love you Bells." She said then through a strangled sob.
"Sweetheart, we're all here and we love you. Come back to us soon."
Esme?
"We love you Bella." More whispers.
Alice? Jasper? Chris? My Dad?
"I love you sweetheart. Rest."
Edward.
As soon as I heard his voice, I didn't fight sleep any longer. I let it take me.
-V&V-
I didn't like this dream. I was cold. My jeans and hoodie were soaked through from the rain. I searched and searched, but I couldn't find my way out of the forest. As soon as I thought about giving up and returning the way I came, I stumbled into a clearing. The rain had stopped and the sun was shining on the vast array of wildflowers in bloom. The thought struck me that my mother would have loved this spot.
Suddenly, at the far side of the open space, I could see a woman standing there watching me. I began to walk toward her, almost as if I were being drawn. As I got closer, my breath caught in my throat as I recognized my mother's familiar smile.
My pace increased until I was running toward her, something about the whole scene was familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. She smiled as she stood and held out her arms. I ran to her, throwing my arms around her neck and holding on for dear life.
She pulled away slightly and placed her hands on either side of my face as she angled it up to look at her. "Ah Bella. I don't think I've ever been prouder of you."
Proud?
I nodded. "I'm graduating on Saturday."
She smiled. "Yes, that's quite an accomplishment." She smiled. "You have so much to look forward to Bella. Your whole life lies before you, an unpainted canvas."
I smiled as I thought about my future with Edward. As much as I didn't want to leave my Mother, I needed Edward. It seemed as if I'd been away from him for so long, almost a lifetime. "I need to get back to Edward."
She smiled. "He's waiting for you. They all are." She leaned down and whispered in my ear then. "Open your eyes Bella."
Slowly but surely I started to shake off the stupor I'd been in for what felt like days. As I regained consciousness, I became aware of the dull aching pain in almost every area of my body. I blinked open my eyes, only to see the man I loved standing over me. He was what I had missed for so long, and we were finally together again. His beautiful smile pierced my heart with its intensity.
I smiled weakly. "I knew I'd make it back to you." I said in a hoarse whisper through my parched throat.
"Oh Bella." Edward said as he tried to keep his emotions in check. "I'm never going to be able to leave you again." He choked out. "It's just not possible." He said as he leaned down and carefully kissed my right cheek.
Everything I'd put him through was written on his face. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm so so sorry." I repeated as the tears welled up in my eyes.
"Sweetheart, please don't cry." Edward soothed.
"Bells, the most important thing is that you're back and you're safe." I turned to see my Dad standing on my right side, Rose and Emmett standing with him.
"Dad" I whispered.
He must have been so worried.
"I can't believe I was so stupid. I should have called someone." I choked out.
"Bells, you thought Pops was sick, I would have done the same thing." Emmett added.
I must have looked unconvinced.
Charlie spoke up again then, "Bells, you should be able to drive to Forks without fear of some bastard abducting you. The ranger is to blame here, not you."
I nodded, too sore and thirsty to worry about the mistakes I'd made. I'd have time to berate myself for them later.
I returned my gaze to Edward.
Was I really here?
"Are you real?" I asked quietly.
He smiled again. "I've been asking myself that same question for hours."
We were quiet for a minute, our gazes locked on each other.
I heard my Dad clear his throat. "Come on Emmett and Rose, let's go check out that cafeteria."
"Pops, Bells just woke up I want to…umph." Without looking, my guess was that Rose had elbowed Emmett in the stomach.
"We'll be back in a little while." She said as they left.
I couldn't take my eyes off of Edward's face. I found myself committing to memory everything about him.
He cupped my right cheek with his hand. "Oh Bella, I didn't think I'd ever see you again." He said sorrowfully.
I pulled him down and he very gingerly wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck while I concentrated on breathing for a moment.
God how I'd missed him.
"I love you so much." I whispered.
"As I love you." He answered.
When we finally pulled back to look at each other, I could see the dark circles under his eyes. I traced them with my finger as I spoke. "You look tired."
Edward pressed his hand over mine, trapping it against his cheek.
"How do you feel?" He asked with a worried expression.
Like someone used me as a punching bag.
"Thirsty" I answered honestly.
Within seconds he was pouring me a glass of water. I winced as I pursed my lips around the straw. After I drank, I lightly ran my fingertips over my lips. I could feel the swelling.
I lost track of the time. Before I knew it, Charlie, Emmett and Rose returned. I was grateful that they brought food back with them. "Have you eaten anything today?" I asked Edward.
He looked at me as if I'd asked a very silly question. Once I thought about food, I realized that I was ravenous.
It hurt to chew. I reached up with my hand and realized that the entire left side of my face was sore to the touch. "Do I even want to see myself in the mirror right now?" I asked.
Everyone except Rose averted their eyes; she was the only one who held my gaze. "Probably not Bells." She smirked.
Edward's head snapped up then. "You're beautiful Bella." He said softly as he leaned over to kiss my head.
"You should be proud of your injuries, especially since I hear you gave a lot worse than you got." Rose interjected.
"Oh yeah" I said as I remembered kicking the ranger with Rose's boots. "Your boots came in handy."
She smiled then.
"Did they find the ranger?" I asked. "Please tell me he didn't escape."
Everyone glanced around nervously before looking at my Dad. I supposed they were expecting him to answer the question. At that moment, the door opened and Edward's parents entered along with Alice, Jasper and Chris.
As soon as they saw me awake, the noise level in the room grew exponentially as everyone insisted on hovering and kissing either my forehead or my right cheek.
About a minute after that, I saw Sidney slip quietly into the room.
"We ended up going out to eat, and then went shopping afterwards." Alice announced with a grin. "In this bag is everything you could possibly need for your hospital stay." She said as she held up an overnight bag.
"Alice, I'm only staying one night." I answered with a smile. I'd really missed her.
"I'm aware of that. Trust me, you'll thank me later." She grinned.
Carlisle transformed into doctor mode then, "How's your head Bella?" He asked.
"It hurts a little, but I think my ribs hurt the most. It hurts to breathe." I admitted.
He nodded as Edward ran his fingertips up and down my arm soothingly.
"Luckily, your ribs aren't fractured; you've just got some bruising."
"Tell me about it. I feel like one big bruise." I muttered.
No one laughed.
"All you need is some time, and you'll be as good as new." Carlisle assured.
Sidney approached my bed. "Miss Swan" He said, businesslike as usual, but then I saw his shoulders relax and a relieved smile cross his face. "I'm glad to hear you're alright Bella."
"Thank you Sidney." I tried to smile, but it hurt. "Tell me, have you heard anything from Lou?"
"Yes, he wanted to tell you how sorry he is. He feels responsible for leaving you alone." Sidney answered.
"Oh, please tell him not to feel that way. I don't hold him responsible for anything. How's his Mother?" I asked, remembering his reason for leaving.
"Apparently she's improving. The stroke wasn't debilitating as they first feared, but the fall she took as a result was the real problem. She lives alone, and Lou's brother found her unconscious. It was frightening, but nothing's broken, so that was a relief." He answered.
I turned to Edward. "Edward, I want you to call Lou. Please tell him that none of this was his fault."
"Only if you take your own advice and stop feeling guilty." He answered with a grin.
I sighed and gave him a painful smile. "I'll try."
For most of the afternoon, my loved ones stayed close. Soon after I'd eaten, the first of many flower arrangements began to arrive. Rose got a huge kick out of reading the cards.
"You got arrangements from both Leno and Letterman." She announced with a laugh. "Ooh, and this one's from Johnny Depp."
"Hal?" She said as she read one card.
"The director of The Harvest of Avarice." Edward answered.
By the end of the day there were so many arrangements that we were sending most of them off to the local nursing home.
"What the fuck?" I heard Rose exclaim as she watched a very large vase of yellow carnations being carried into my room.
At the sight of them, my heart fell, and my mind began to spin in confusion.
I assumed that the Ranger had sent me the flowers
Rose grabbed the card and read it. "Idiots" I heard her mutter. "We'll be back soon Bells." She told me before she had Emmett grab the arrangement and follow her out. After a couple of minutes, Dad left the room too.
By the time Rose returned a few minutes later, with Emmett and Dad in tow, I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. Edward tried to console me as best he could, but the truth was he was as confused as me.
Rose took one look at my face and rushed over to the bed. "Oh Bells, I'm so sorry. The flower arrangement was sent from WIRI." She muttered in disgust. "That dim bulb Jessica remembered you receiving the yellow carnations and assumed you liked them. Guess who was in charge of ordering your 'Get Well' arrangement today?"
I sighed in relief. "Oh Rose, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that."
After I thought about Jessica's ignorance, I actually chuckled.
"You know Bella, this is nothing compared to what's going on outside." Emmett announced as he gestured toward all the flowers.
I gave him a confused look. "I swear that every one of Edward's Seattle fans have left flowers and notes outside for you both. Originally they were leaving them at the front desk, until they got in the way. So now one of the benches outside has become the official spot for the public to deposit their gifts."
I was surprised, to say the least, and very touched. It seemed that the affection Edward's fans had for him also extended to me.
When I couldn't fight the urge to use the rest room any more, Esme decided to protect my modesty, and send all the men out of the room. I didn't know why she bothered; the hospital gown I was wearing covered everything almost to my knees, and didn't gape in the back. But I appreciated her motherly gesture.
Edward refused to leave, and I refused to let him. Esme didn't press the issue.
When I peeled back the covers, I got a look at the bruises on my legs. They weren't that bad. I looked up to see Rose, Alice, Edward and Esme watching me sadly. "It's okay. Rose remembers when I had worse."
Rose closed her eyes, letting out a breath as she nodded.
"Bella" Alice stopped me "Before you go in there, we wanted to prepare you."
"Huh?" I asked, not following.
She worried her lip. "Here" She said as she handed me her compact mirror.
I studied my reflection before handing the mirror back to her. "Actually, judging by the way I feel, I kind of expected worse." I told Alice.
As easy as it would have been to feel sorry for myself and try to hide my face, the truth was that I was so happy to have made it back to Edward alive that a little bruising and a cut lip were a small price to pay.
I knew I wouldn't be that brave when facing the paps and the public the next day, but for the moment, I knew I could handle it.
It was almost evening when another visitor arrived. "Where's the patient?" Father Pat boomed as he came through the door. He walked over and squeezed my hand, "How are you Isabella?" He said in a concerned tone as he took in my injuries.
"I'm okay." I said in answer.
For the next little while, Father Pat kept us entertained with the latest goings-on in the parish. After that, most of our family left to get some rest, kissing me goodbye and promising to be back in the morning.
That left Dad, Father Pat and Edward to keep me company. The room got very quiet as we sat there, and I sensed that something was up. I looked at my Dad first. "Now that there's just us here, can you tell me what's going on?" I asked.
Dad looked at Father. "I'm glad you came up Father, I may need a little moral support." Charlie said before looking back at me.
He cleared his throat. "Bells, I have something to tell you."
I tensed.
What the hell could be wrong now?
My mind raced with the possibilities.
"The ranger is dead Bella. He died as a result of injuries he sustained in the crash." Dad studied my face as he said each word.
I felt Edward squeeze my hand, and I turned to find him looking at me sadly.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The ranger was dead.
He was dead because of me.
I didn't know how much I was expected to take in one day, but I realized at that moment that I'd finally reached my limit. The room began to spin as the enormity of what I'd done hit me full force.
"I .. I … oh no." I whispered as I pulled my hand back from Edward's, and placed it over my mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick." I announced. Edward helped me from the bed as I ran to the bathroom. After I threw up in the toilet, I realized that Edward had followed me in there and was rubbing my back as I retched.
"Oh gross" I said. "I'm sorry." I looked up at him with pleading eyes, embarrassed.
"Bella" He looked at me sadly and sighed "would you please stop apologizing."
I brushed my teeth in a daze, not able to grasp that I'd been responsible for another person's death. After splashing some cold water on my face, I walked numbly back to bed and climbed in.
My Dad and Father Pat looked at me sympathetically.
I covered my face with my shaking hands, not able to face them. "I know he was evil, and part of me is glad he's gone, but I didn't want it to be by my hands." I said as I began to cry softly. "I took someone's life. I'm a murderer..." I whispered, feeling sick again.
Edward tried to take my hand again, but I kept both of them over my face. "I can't. I can't." I chanted through my tears.
"Edward, why don't you take Father Pat down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee?" I heard my Dad suggest. "I need to speak with Bella for a few minutes."
I felt Edward kiss the top of my head, being careful to avoid the bandaged area, before leaving the room silently with Father Pat.
"Bells come on." Charlie urged as he tugged on my hand.
I finally relented and dropped my hands to my sides, keeping my eyes fixed on the wall across from my bed.
"First of all, you're not a murderer. You didn't kill anyone on purpose, it was an accident. Even if it had been on purpose, it was self-defense, and no jury would convict you for that."
"I don't care about a jury Dad. I'm responsible for taking a human life. That's something I can't fix, I can't take it back." I whimpered out, my head was throbbing again.
Just then a nurse came hurrying into the room. "What is going on in here?" She demanded before glaring at my Dad. "Sir, if you're upsetting her, I'll have to ask you to leave."
Charlie's eyebrows shot up as he looked at her innocently.
"It's my fault" I said quietly. "I promise to calm down. Please, don't send my Dad away."
She nodded once before narrowing her eyes at Charlie and leaving the room. Dad sighed. "We only told you about this because it's all over the news Bells, and we didn't want you to find out that way. Also, the police need to get your statement. We've put them off as long as possible, but I know they're going to corner you tomorrow before you leave the hospital."
I didn't care. I felt, I really didn't know how I felt. I was weighed down with a tremendous amount of guilt for causing another person's death, but at the same time I was happy he was never able to hurt me or anyone else again.
Dad cleared his throat and rubbed his face with his hands. "Bells, did Emmett ever tell you that I shot someone?"
My mouth fell open in shock.
"I guess not. I really should give that boy a little more credit." He said with a hint of a smile. "Being a cop in Forks isn't the most exciting job in the world, and I like it that way Bells. If I craved the action that big city cops see on a day to day basis, I'd work in Seattle or Portland." He took a deep breath. "But every once in a while we get a taste of what we've been missing. About a year before your Mom died, I was sent to investigate a domestic disturbance. Some young guy, high as a kite, was waving a gun around threatening to kill his pregnant girlfriend and himself." Charlie swallowed hard. "By the time the police were called, he'd already shot the girl's mother" He looked up at me then. "Luckily she survived."
Dad stood up and began to pace. "It all happened so quickly. One minute he was yelling at his girlfriend, and the next he was holding her by the throat against the wall pressing the gun to her head. When he cocked the trigger, I was the only one with a clear shot, and I took it." He dropped down into the chair then.
"I've carried that guilt around with me for years. I still have nightmares about it."
My poor father. I had no idea.
"But Dad, you saved the girl and her baby that night. You shouldn't feel guilty." I urged. I gasped when I realized how that night might have ended, "He could have turned the gun on you." I cringed at the thought.
I could have lost my Dad that night.
He cocked an eyebrow at me. "And you saved my little girl. You shouldn't feel guilty either Bells."
Subtlety was never Charlie's strong suit. "I get the point Chief." I answered, my lips set in a grim line.
"Bells" He took my hand in his. "I was down near the crash site you know."
My eyes widened in surprise.
"When I saw the body bag, at first I was terrified that it was you." His face paled as he admitted this. "I can't tell you how happy I was when I was informed that it was the ranger. Bells if anything happened to you or Emmett it would be the end of me."
I tried to swallow down the lump that was forming in my throat.
"A man is not supposed to outlive his children." Charlie's voice broke as he said this. "Of course I wouldn't commit suicide or anything like that, but I know myself Bella. I would shut down. I would just stop living. You guys are the only thing that kept me going after your Mom's death. I can't lose either of you, or Rose for that matter."
I reached for him then, even though I hurt, I needed a hug from my Dad.
He wrapped his arms gently around me and sighed. "I can't promise not to feel guilty Dad, but I promise not to wallow." I whispered in his ear just as Edward and Father Pat reappeared through the doorway.
"Should we come back later?" Edward asked with a worried expression.
"No" I said as I tried to smile. "I would say you have perfect timing."
Father Pat left a little while after that, but promised to return the next day. "I've invited myself to stay at the Archbishop's house tonight. It'll be quite a change from my little rectory in Forks." He said with a grin before giving me a careful hug goodbye.
Dad was staying overnight in my apartment. He looked exhausted, and it didn't take long for me to convince him to go and get some rest.
Edward and I were finally alone.
As much as I loved our family, I needed this. We needed to reconnect.
I got carefully out of the bed then, headed for the bathroom. I was in desperate need of a shower. "Need any help?" Edward said with a smile as he wiggled his eyebrows.
I started to laugh, causing my side to hurt. Edward noticed me flinch.
"I'm sorry sweetheart." He said as he moved to my side.
"It's okay, just don't make me laugh." I said with a smile. "And Edward, thank you for flirting with me. I appreciate the gesture."
He narrowed his eyes then. "What do you mean Bella?"
"It's just that I know how awful I look, it's nice of you to pretend that I'm attractive right now." I answered.
Edward looked insulted. "Bella are you accusing me of being insincere?"
"No..I…"
"Sweetheart, I never say anything I don't mean." He answered in a serious tone. "Bruised or not, you are still the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Inside and out." He said as his finger traced my swollen lip. "I love you so much Bella, I will always want you. Unfortunately, I think I'd find you sexy even if you were in traction." He chuckled.
I giggled at his admission. "Perv"
"Guilty" He said with a grin.
I took my shower without assistance. It was shocking to see the bruises all over my body. I just kept reminding myself that they would heal. Afterwards, I put on a clean hospital gown and underwear, courtesy of the overnight bag Alice brought, and brushed my teeth again. I climbed into the bed and waited while Edward took his shower.
I was tired, and feeling a bit cranky because I'd have rather been home in my own bed. That all changed as soon as Edward exited the bathroom, fresh from his shower, and dressed in blue hospital scrubs courtesy of Daddy C.
My jaw dropped at the sight before me. He quirked an eyebrow and smirked at my expression.
"Well hello Doctor." I crooned.
"Ah yes, Miss Swan" He answered as he took my hand. "I must confess that I'm not a real doctor, although I have played one in the movies." He gave me his Hollywood smile then.
"When?" I asked.
"Okay, you got me. I haven't actually ever played a doctor. But I'd be willing to play doctor with you." He answered with a cheeky grin.
I tried to hold back the laughter because it fucking hurt, but it was impossible.
"I'm sorry sweetheart." Edward said quietly after I winced. "I can't seem to help myself. I'm so happy to have you back." He kissed me sweetly then. "I'll just be over here where I can't cause you any more pain." He announced before moving to the sofa.
"Get your ass back over here." I snarked at him. "If I have to stay in this damn hospital overnight, I can at least have you with me."
"Bella.." He began to argue.
"Edward, I spent hours thinking I may never see you again. I need you here." I said as I patted the space next to me on the bed. I fought the urge to cry.
My emotions are all over the place tonight
His face fell at my words. "I know sweetheart." He came closer and climbed carefully beside me. I lay down on my side, letting him snuggle up against my back. "Better?" He whispered.
I nodded.
"I'm very lucky." I said quietly after a while. "He admitted he was going to kill me." I said into the darkness. Edward pulled me closer then.
"I'm going to make your last days a hell on earth" The Ranger's voice came back to me clearly. "First, I'm going to fuck you until you can't take any more. Then I'm going to break every bone in your body. There will be nothing left of you to bury by the time they find you."
I shuddered at the memory. "Are you cold?" Edward asked. I shook my head. As his hand gently rubbed my arm, I let the tears fall.
After a moment he whispered, "Are you okay sweetheart?"
"I was so afraid Edward."
He wrapped his arm around me then. "Me too Bella." He admitted.
I drew in a shuddering breath.
"I hate him so much." I said through my tears. "I hate him for what he did to me, for what he was going to do to me, for trying to take me away from you." I sniffled. "I hate him for making me do something that will bother me for the rest of my life."
Edward held me tighter.
"I'm not that person. I'm not violent, and I hate that he forced me to do that."
"That's just it sweetheart, he caused all of this. It wasn't you. It was never you. I love you so much Bella, we'll get through this together."
He sighed. "I hate him too. I hate what he did to you. I hate that even though he's dead; he still has this power over you."
I sighed then, finally relaxing in his arms. "Thank you Edward."
"For what sweetheart?"
"For loving me." I breathed.
He chuckled. "Oh my beautiful girl, can't you see that I never had a choice in the matter?" He leaned over and kissed me gently on my cheek. "Sleep."
We lay there quietly for a long time; eventually I drifted to sleep, while Edward sang softly in my ear.
I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
-V&V—
The week had been, for lack of a better word, interesting. It was now Friday evening, and most of the drama was behind us. Before leaving the hospital the day before, I'd been interviewed by the police. Edward and my Dad stayed in the room with me during the interview. Rose had been reluctant for Emmett to be there also, but I thought that it might help him to hear what happened. He was taking things pretty hard, and I knew it was because he'd felt so helpless while on the phone with me.
As I recounted every detail, I made sure not to look at their faces. After I was finished, I took a deep breath in an attempt to shake off the anxiety which was trying to take hold. Once the police officer had gone, Emmett was the first to speak.
"Bells, I don't ever want to hear you say that you're sorry that fucker is dead." He seethed.
I sighed. "I'm not sorry he's dead." I admitted. "I'm just sorry that it's my fault, and I feel guilty for being glad that he'd dead. Does that make any sense?"
Emmett smirked. "You are one of a kind Sissy." He said in response.
Father Pat had given me a pep talk that morning, assuring me that in no way was I a murderer. "Our Lord does not expect us to sit back and allow someone to harm us Isabella. We are encouraged to defend ourselves, and if need be, kill that which is intent on killing us or others." He frowned in concentration. "If it were otherwise, hell would be filled with every soldier who ever fought in a war and every police officer who was ever forced to fire his weapon. I'm glad that God is not as hard on us as we sometimes are on ourselves."
All in all, it had been a draining day, and one I never wanted to repeat for the rest of my life.
True to his word, Edward had stayed with me every minute. The only time we seemed to be apart from one another was when one of us was in the bathroom. I chuckled at the thought as I dressed for bed on Friday night. Since my release from the hospital, I'd reverted back to my winter sleep attire in my attempt to cover my bruises. The smaller ones were already turning yellow and beginning to fade. My lip was almost healed, and the swelling in my face was gone.
Overall, I wasn't as gruesome as I'd been two days before.
Edward was already in bed when I exited the bathroom. He gave me the same sexy smile he always did, even though I looked like I'd gone a round with Mike Tyson. He was leaning against the headboard reading an old copy of Atlas Shrugged.
What was it about Edward in my bed, reading, that I found to be so hot.
Not as hot as fake Doctorward in scrubs, but pretty damn hot.
As I took a second look, I decided it was probably a tie.
"Heavy reading for this late in the evening don't you think?" I asked with a smirk.
He grinned. "Yes it is, that's why I wasn't really reading it. I just didn't want you to know that I'd been staring at the door waiting for you to emerge for the past fifteen minutes."
I laughed; it didn't hurt as much anymore, then I snuggled in beside him.
He kissed my lips as he fingered the hem of my shirt. "Too many clothes" He mumbled.
"Too many bruises." I countered.
He kissed my nose. "How about you let me be the judge of that." He said as he started to pull my shirt over my head.
I froze. "Come on Bella, I want to help. Let me see."
Up until then I'd been applying vitamin k cream to my bruises myself. Although some of the marks were difficult to reach, I'd refused his help, not wanting him to see.
"Please" He whispered while looking at me with pleading eyes.
It was impossible to refuse him.
I sat up, closed my eyes, let out a breath and nodded before lifting my arms above my head. Edward pulled my shirt off and tossed it aside. The expression on his face never changed although his eyes blinked several times as he took in the marks on my body. I folded my arms across my chest.
He wordlessly coaxed me to lie down on my stomach then, and proceeded to kiss each bruise gently, before applying the cream. Every now and then I would hear a murmured 'I love you'. Once he was finished with my back and shoulders, I felt his fingers loop into the waistband of my sweats. I lifted my hips in order for him to be able to tug them down past my hips and then off.
I was left lying there in nothing but my boy shorts, but didn't feel self-conscious. When he'd finished, Edward sat there quietly not saying a word. I rolled over to my back so that I could see his face, still covering my chest with my arms as I did.
He leaned down and kissed my lips. "I hate that you're hurting Bella. I wish it could be me instead." He whispered with his lips close to mine.
I ran my fingers through his hair. "I'll be as good as new soon enough." I reassured.
He drew a breath. "If anyone were to ever hurt you again, I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from killing them." He whispered.
I believed him.
"Then I'll have to make sure I stay safe." I whispered back. "I love you Edward."
I let him apply the cream to the bruises on the front of my body then, without hiding behind my arms. He did as before, kissing each bruise before applying the cream. My shoulder. My abdomen. The nasty bruise on my hip that was peeking out over the lace at the waistband of my boy shorts. He cheated a little and turned the waistband down for that. My breath caught in my throat.
His touch was so light that I barely felt it. He murmured 'I love you beautiful girl' so many times between kisses that I lost count.
Edward removed his shirt before climbing under the covers with me, and we drifted off in peaceful slumber together.
-V&V—
Even though everyone told me I didn't have to, I'd made the decision to attend my graduation. I did it more for Charlie's sake than anyone else. He deserved this moment of normalcy, and getting to play the part of proud parent, just as he'd done with Emmett.
The family was going to meet us at Husky Stadium. When Edward and I went downstairs to the lobby, imagine my surprise when I found not only Sidney waiting there, but Lou as well.
I ran over and gave him a hug. "How's your mother?"
He smiled. "Much better Bella." He lost his smile then. "Look Bella, I want to apologize…."
"Stop right there" I interrupted. "If I'm not allowed to feel guilty for leaving the apartment alone, you're not allowed to feel guilty for going to be with your sick mother."
He grinned then. "Fair enough."
On the way to the ceremony, Edward explained how he'd gotten the okay for Lou to accompany me to the staging area. "How did you manage that?"
He looked a little guilty. "I explained that the police hadn't determined whether the Ranger had acted alone, and that you needed your bodyguard."
"Edward Cullen you liar." I laughed. The police had, in fact, determined precisely that the day before.
"At the time Alec spoke with them, it was true." He grinned. "Also, I may have made a substantial donation to the university."
I shook my head and smiled at him. "Thank you." Never again would I argue about his need to protect me.
Even though I was still bruised, Alice had done my makeup that morning, using a special concealer to hide the bruises as best she could. They were still there, just a little less noticeable.
Our families, along with Tara and Joanna were waiting outside the stadium for us when we arrived.
"Wow Bella, you look a lot better today." Joanna remarked. She and Tara had been to visit me in the hospital, and seen me at my worst.
"Thanks. I'm getting there." I said with a smile.
I kissed Edward goodbye, before leaving with my friends and Lou in order to line up with the other students.
As we walked to the staging area, I was met by smile after smile from my fellow graduates. Some even stopped to shake my hand. Lou was a bit agitated at first, until it became clear that no one meant me any harm. More than one female student wished me well with tears in their eyes.
What floored me was the fact that every one of these people knew that I had been responsible for the Ranger's death, and yet the looks in their eyes were ones of compassion and in some cases admiration, rather than the disdain I had expected to find there.
This was the first time I'd ventured out in public since being released from the hospital. I knew that my abduction and subsequent escape had been the top news story in Seattle for the past almost four days, and now, looking at the faces of my fellow students; I realized that a lot of them had become personally invested in my recovery.
As they lined us up alphabetically, I had to say goodbye to my friends until after the ceremony. We filed into the stadium and took our seats. Lou made sure to stand in the aisle nearest me, constantly keeping me in his sights. I glanced up to the stands, visually locating the area where I knew my family was seated. Even though I couldn't see them, I waved, hoping they'd see me.
The commencement speaker was William Gates Sr., father of Bill. He gave a thoughtful speech in which I found the last few minutes to be especially meaningful:
*
My prediction is that 60 years from now, when you sit down to write your Commencement speech, you will look around and you will observe that your world, while still beset with serious problems, has indeed become a better place than it was in 2010. And you will make that observation with a sense of pride in having contributed to that change. This will occur not because I say so, but because you are who you are now – graduates of the University of Washington possessed of all the qualities this fine institution has taught you.
Good luck and thank you.
*
Soon, it was time to receive our diplomas. I had a few butterflies as I thought about making the walk in front of a stadium full of people, but I calmed as I thought about Edward and my family watching me.
The names were being called, and graduate after graduate took to the stage.
'Alexander Brandon Sullivan'
'James Brian Sutton'
'Isabella Marie Swan'
As I made my way up the steps, I was suddenly aware of loud applause and cheers coming from the graduates and from the stands. I could feel my face flame. The cheering and applause continued as I made my trek across the stage, shaking hands and mumbling my thank-yous as I hurriedly tried to get back to my seat.
It wasn't as easy as I'd thought it would be. On the way back down the aisle, graduates leaned out to me from their places in order to shake my hand and offer their congratulations. When I finally reached my seat again, I sat down in stunned amazement.
After I thought about what I'd just experienced, I realized that this had nothing to do with the fact that I was marrying a movie star. These people weren't congratulating the girlfriend of Edward Masen. They were congratulating a girl who had been a victim more than once in her life. A girl who when faced with a seemingly hopeless situation, had made the conscious decision to be a victim no longer. A girl who was determined to make it back to her loved ones, even if she had to die trying.
A girl who in many ways was just like them or their sister or their cousin. Someone they could identify with. Their admiration was very humbling while at the same time I realized that, for the first time since I'd heard of the Ranger's death, I was feeling quite proud of myself for fighting back. It would always bother me that I'd caused someone to lose his life, but that outcome was infinitely better than if I'd never returned to Edward and the others who loved me.
Another surreal moment in the life of Bella Swan. After today, I knew nothing would be exactly the same again.
***A/N****
Song Rec: Snow Patrol 'Chasing Cars'
The excerpt from the commencement speech is a piece of the real thing.
Next up is LRM. It will cover a few behind the scenes moments that weren't covered in this chapter. Mostly fluff. I think we'll be in the land of fluff for a while now.
After LRM, watch for a sneak peek of the next V&V on the blog and facebook as usual. Your reviews make me want to keep writing. Plain and simple. That and the great feedback you give me on Facebook. Thanks very much by the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment