The guys would get to sleep in. Their plan was to meet us at the park once the shoot was finished. Well, except for Christopher who was in the photo shoot with us.
I thought back with secret delight at how I’d tortured Edward earlier this evening. I was thrilled at his reaction, although I never expected the ‘caveman’ response. I giggled as I remembered.
The makeout session against the wall of the karaoke bar was the hottest thing I’d ever experienced. That was until Edward’s, em, performance.
Oh no! It’s probably going to be all over youtube by tomorrow.
I made a mental note to look that shit up and find a way to download it.
Certain that Edward had finished his shower by this time and was now in my room, I toweled off. The shower had helped clear the alcohol fog in my brain enough that the butterflies had now taken up residence in my stomach, as I thought about the gorgeous man waiting for me in my bed.
You need to strengthen your will power Bella. My suggestion would be to strike ‘Kiss’ from your mind. A much more acceptable Prince song would be ‘Pussy Control’ . As a matter of fact, that should become your new mantra.
I breathed a sigh and resigned myself to the fact that, at some point I was certain my will power was going to crumble like a deck of cards.
No alcohol. That’s the key Bella. No alcohol and ’Pussy Control’. Now, I’m done dealing with your shit for the night.
I dressed in the most un-sexy clothing I had in my bag, pj pants and a t-shirt, and stepped tentatively into my room.
There he was, lying across the bed, wearing only sleep pants. My breath caught in my throat as I drank him in. He was on his side, facing me, his head on the pillow, his bronze hair in its usual sexy disarray. One arm was folded up under his head, the other stretched across his body so that his hand rested on my side of the bed. My own personal Adonis, waiting for me.
I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering down his perfect form.
Don’t look Bella. No, stop, no looking at Edward’s happy trail.
Damn it. Too late. I think my entire body just went up in flames. Luckily, Edward didn’t notice my ogling, because his eyes were closed. I sat down on the bed, expecting them to open when he sensed I was near. Instead, Edward rolled away from me so that he was lying flat on his back. I was just beginning to wonder if he’d fallen asleep when I heard a loud sound resembling the snort of a warthog escape those perfect lips. I smirked, fully expecting him to laugh at his own little joke.
To my surprise, the laughter never came, instead my ears were assaulted by a cacophony of sounds that I imagined were similar to those made by a constipated water buffalo. What Edward was doing couldn’t even be called snoring. No, Mr. Webster would need to come up with a new word for the horrible sounds emanating from that beautiful face.
I sat in stunned silence as I listened to the mixed chorus of horror.
Could these noises really be coming from the same man that sang to me countless times as I’d fallen asleep? Impossible.
When it finally became clear that he wasn’t going to stop any time soon, I laid down and attempted to sleep. I tried stopping my ears with my fingers, but as soon as I relaxed and started to drift, my fingers would fall out, and I would be startled awake.
What the hell? He‘s never done this before? It must be a combination of the alcohol and lying on his back. The key is to get him to roll over.
I realized that if I didn’t stop the snoring, I’d never get to sleep. I tried pushing Edward, but he wouldn’t budge. So, I tried pulling. I grabbed his arm and gave it a tug. This time I had more success, and was able to maneuver him onto his side. Finally, the snores quieted and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I was just drifting off to sleep, and thinking about how much I liked the wall of the karaoke bar, in fact I was thinking of having a plaque erected there.
Best fucking wall anywhere.
I could feel sleep finally overtaking me, when suddenly Edward rolled again. This time, instead of landing on his back, he rolled onto his front. Luckily, this movement didn’t bring about any further snoring. It did however cause him to land directly on top of me.
Yes, I was covered from head to toe with a blanket of Sexward, and was in serious danger of being crushed or suffocated if I remained in that position.
There are worse ways to die LB. Most women if given a choice in the manner of their death, would probably vote ‘fuck yeah’ to being trapped beneath the sexiest man alive when meeting their demise.
How efficient, my subconscious had taken to abbreviating ‘lucky bitch’ in order to save time.
Calling Edward’s name had no effect. Next, I squirmed in an effort to move him. I was slightly successful. He moved a bit, and I found it easier to breathe. His body was still trapping mine, but when he shifted, he curled around me in such a way that his head landed on my chest, his arm across my waist, and one leg laid across both of mine. I wasn’t going anywhere for quite a while, but at least I was no longer uncomfortable.
Once again, I started to feel sleepy. Just before I lost consciousness completely, I heard Edward mutter, “Beautiful Bella”. I smiled, and drifted off.
--V&V--
“Dolce and Gabbana on a cracker! What’s going on in here?” I heard Alice’s trilling voice ring out. I opened my eyes, and immediately realized that Edward and I hadn’t moved since I’d fallen asleep.
Alice hopped up on my bed and immediately began pulling at Edward. “Bella, has he been like this all night?” She questioned.
“Yeah, it was worse when he was on his back, the snoring would have woken the dead.” I breathed out.
“Just push from under him, and I’ll pull.” She instructed.
After a minute of me pushing and Alice pulling, we’d lifted Edward enough for me to slip out from under him. Alice started to chuckle. “He must have been more upset about our little run-in with the paparazzi than I realized Bella.“
I looked at her questioningly.
“Well, the only time Edward acts like this is after drinking Wild Turkey. That stuff is his kryptonite. He’ll only drink it if he‘s under a lot of stress or very upset about something, and it doesn‘t take much to screw him up.” She looked at her brother in irritation and swatted his butt, hard. “Jackass.”
Edward moaned and rolled to his side.
“I’ll make sure Jazz wakes him up later.” She grinned at me. “Let’s get going!”
--V&V--
The photo shoot wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. Actually, it wasn’t bad at all. I soon came to realize that Alice and Chris were absolute professionals, and very good at what they did.
Face it Bella, you are surrounded by over-achievers.
We had approximately three hours to complete the shoot before the general public descended on the park. The magazine had set up and was ready to go at all three shooting locations in the park. Our task was to be dressed and ready in twenty minutes or less for each shoot. It wasn’t difficult, considering that Alice and Chris had amassed a small army to assist us.
When I saw my reflection in the mirror after dressing in the first gown, I felt so beautiful. That was, until I walked out of the makeshift dressing room and saw Alice and Rose. They were stunning.
Rose, always in tune with my basic insecurity, quirked an eyebrow at me. “Bella, stop it.” Then she whispered. “You’re gorgeous” and smiled widely.
We sat in chairs while our hair was coiffed and makeup applied.
I soon discovered that Rose was nosey today. “What went on between you and Edward last night? Anything you need to share? By the way he was looking at you, I thought I was going to have to tranquilize Emmett to keep him from going after him.” She said as she began to laugh hysterically. “I had to promise spectacular sex to keep him from busting into your room and making sure that Edward was ‘behaving himself‘.” She said making air quotes.
Ew. Rose is the queen of ’overshare’, and boy has she changed her tune about Edward. I’d already told her that nothing sexual happened in Laguna Beach…..
Alice made a disgusted face before I had a chance to answer. “Rosalie! Don’t you even insinuate that something like that would happen under my roof.” She dropped her voice to a whisper and added. “Their first time shouldn’t be after an evening of drunken karaoke at a gay bar, and, and, well we’re talking about my brother here. Oh this conversation is just all kinds of wrong.” She said as she threw up her hands in exasperation.
“Well, I have to agree with that Alice. Their first time should be something special. Maybe Edward will take her away. Maybe somewhere exotic.“ Rose got a dreamy faraway look in her eye.
“Knowing how sappy my brother has gotten since meeting Bella, that’s probably exactly what will happen.“ Alice giggled.
“Hey you two, I’m sitting right here while you have a conversation about my nonexistent sex life.” I said sarcastically.
“Well that told me everything I needed to know.” Rose cackled. “I just hope that all that knowledge I imparted will be put to good use soon.”
I glared at her, while she and Alice both laughed at me.
--V&V--
The first shots were taken at Sleeping Beauty’s Castle. Chris was in a tux and the three of us were in glamorous gowns. We each held champagne flutes filled with ginger ale, this was Disneyland after all. Rose was in a floor length black gown, mine was a short royal blue, and Alice’s was pink to the thigh with an overlay of floor length sheer material.
The next set of photos were taken on Mark Twain’s riverboat. We all wore short flirty dresses for that one. Alice and I in floral, and Rose in red tartan. Chris wore casual khakis and a red button down shirt. These photos were especially fun, because a couple of the Disney characters posed with us.
The third and last location was on King Arthur’s Carousel. For these, we all wore very casual clothing, these clothes were ours to keep, and as Alice intended, to keep on while enjoying the park for the rest of the day.
Just as we finished the last shot, I happen to glance to the right and notice that the guys had arrived. They were standing back watching us. There was a fourth person standing with them who I could only assume was Chris’ partner Gerry.
He was very handsome, and I was surprised at how much older than Chris he was. He had to be at least forty. I vaguely remember Chris mentioning that Gerry was a professor.
I could hear Chris making introductions, but I couldn’t think about that because all of my attention was drawn to the man dressed as the Unabomber. I knew under all those layers was my gorgeous boyfriend. For reasons known only to him, he had on dark glasses, a baseball cap, a hoodie with the hood drawn up, and he definitely didn’t shave this morning. Not his usual look when being seen in public.
Huh?
I walked leisurely over to where he stood waiting. “Hi.” I said quietly.
“Hi.” He answered, not smiling.
“Um, is there a reason you’re dressed like Ted Kaczynski?” I asked, trying to make him smile.
The edges of his mouth turned up slightly.
I couldn’t help but find it sexy as hell that Edward remembered who Mr. Kaczynski was.
That’s because it proves he’s as big a nerd as you are Bella.
He never fully smiled before answering. “Partly to remain unrecognized, and partly because I had a rough night.”
“Pfft. It didn’t look like you were having a rough night to me.” I muttered in a low voice.
His eyebrows raised. “Bella, I’m afraid I owe you an apology for last night.” He groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Edward, you didn’t do anything to apologize for. Where is this coming from?”
“That’s just it Bella, I can’t remember what happened after we got back to Alice’s.“ He whispered. “I hope I wasn’t a jerk or anything. I also feel terrible about man-handling you at the bar…”
I cut him off. “Edward stop right there. Don’t you dare apologize for the bar.” I said with a small smile. “That was fuckhot, and you will destroy my self-esteem if you tell me you regret it.” I whispered.
At my words, he smiled my favorite sexy smile, and grabbed my hand. “Well, since you put it that way, I’ll have to find a way to forgive myself for that. Just please tell me I didn‘t do anything I should regret after we left the bar.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine.
“You were a perfect gentleman Edward, although you‘re officially banned from drinking Wild Turkey around me ever again.” I looked at his puzzled gaze. “We’ll talk about it later.” I whispered as I finally gave into the need to kiss him.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, would you two get your heads in the game.” Emmett boomed. “We are planning how to make the best use of our hours in the park.”
Alice and Emmett had a map of Disneyland spread out on a bench as if they were military leaders strategizing over a battle plan. Alice had highlighted certain attractions, numbered them, and written approximate times in the margins.
Geessh, she’s thorough.
“Okay people, since we’re already in Fantasyland, we’ll start with the Dumbo ride, the teacups, and a couple others, ending with the bobsleds. We have approximately one hour to complete this section of the park in order to remain on schedule.” Alice barked, then turning to Edward she remarked. “By the way Edward, you look like shit.”
I think Alice just managed to suck all the fun out of the ‘Happiest Place on Earth.‘
Despite Alice’s controlling hand, we did manage to enjoy ourselves. The best part of the day was getting to snuggle against Edward on most of the rides.
Emmett got a little green on the Matterhorn bobsleds. He never did well on rides that move in fast circles. I successfully resisted the urge to laugh at him as he sat and drank a soda afterwards, trying to settle his stomach.
“Emmett, you are single-handedly messing up my schedule.” The theme park Nazi announced.
Rose stepped in “Come on Alice, just move on and we’ll catch up with you.”
Alice looked at Emmett skeptically. “Well, okay, we’ll be in Mickey’s toon town for the next forty-five minutes.” She quirked an eyebrow. “I expect to see you there.”
Toon town seemed to be geared toward young children. We toured Donald’s boat, and the cute homes of both Mickey and Minnie. I heard my brother’s booming voice before I saw him.
“You’d think by this time Mickey would just marry Minnie and make an honest mouse of her.”
“Emmett, shut up.” Rose warned.
“I’m just saying that here they go to all this trouble of ‘pretending’ to live in separate houses when you know as well as I do that they’re doing the wild thing every chance they get. I‘m just glad we didn‘t see the bedrooms, I think that would give me nightmares.”
“Emmett, lower your voice, you are surrounded by children.” She whispered.
I heard my brother answer in his patented whisper-yell. “What? I didn’t say they were fucking.”
I heard Rose groan.
I looked around, trying to find a way to escape before my brother saw me. Edward was chuckling beside me.
We caught up with the rest of the group before Emmett found us, by then he was talking about something else.
“Babe, I’ve got to go on the Roger Rabbit ride. I love that shit.” He whined.
“Okay Emmett, but you need to curb your language, or I will refuse to go on anything else with you.” Rose promised.
I saw my brother nod his head sheepishly.
--V&V--
“This is boring.” Emmett announced as we floated along on Mark Twain’s riverboat.
“I’m sorry Emmett, but we voted and six of us wanted to ride this.” Jasper answered.
“Yeah well, I guess six of us are boring.” Emmett answered with an impish smile, just as the boat pulled into the dock.
“Come on monkey man, let’s go find Splash Mountain.” Rose said while taking Emmett’s hand.
“That’s our next stop everyone. Follow Rose and Emmett.” Alice sing-songed.
We got soaked on Splash Mountain. Edward got an eyeful of my soaked shirt, and immediately removed his hoodie for me to wear.
“This reminds me of the day we met Miss Swan.” Edward remarked with a smirk as he zipped me up.
“Afraid I may be ogled by another man Mr. Movie Star?” I teased.
He studied me with an appraising look and leaned in close to my ear. “No one else is allowed to see what’s mine. Especially before I’ve even seen it.” He added with a chuckle.
I swatted his arm, but his words gave me a tingling feeling deep in my stomach….
--V&V--
“So Alice has her birthday here every year?” I whispered to Edward as we ate lunch.
“Yes, she adores Disneyland.” Edward smiled.
We were eating in one of the restaurants on Main Street, and Alice had arranged for several Disney characters to visit during our meal. Even though this particular restaurant only had character dining at breakfast, they were making an exception for our group.
What Alice wants, Alice gets.
My brother kept jumping out of his seat to have his photo taken with each character that approached. Alice was just as bad, forcing everyone out of their seats for various photo ops.
I leaned closer to Edward. Gosh he always smells so wonderful, his scent has a calming effect. I wish I could bottle that scent and keep it with me when he goes away to England. “Have you noticed how excited your sister and my brother have been all day?” I asked.
He smiled and nodded.
“It’s almost as if they’re related, their behavior is so similar.” I grinned.
Edward scrunched up his nose and whispered. “I’m certainly glad they’re not, because that would mean I’ve been having incestuous thoughts about you Miss Swan.”
I sputtered and choked on my iced tea while Edward laughed at my reaction.
--V&V--
“Edward, I never told you this but I don’t do well with ‘scary’.” I confessed as we stood in line for the Haunted Mansion, feeling a bit nervous.
Emmett overheard me and turned to face us, laughing. “She’s telling you the truth Andy. Bella is a total chicken shit.”
I glared at my brother. “You know Emmett, it doesn’t help that you have terrorized me since I was a child. It all started with the He-Man incident, and you have never let up.”
Emmett kept chuckling. “Be careful Edward, if she gets too scared, she’ll wet her pants.”
I gave my brother the ‘death glare‘. “You want me to kill you, don’t you?” I said calmly.
Emmett laughed even louder. Edward, I‘m sorry to say, looked amused.
Disneyland was very good at accomplishing scary, and I had to admit that I was a chicken shit. I closed my eyes to see if that would help, but realized that the spooky sounds were still there so, I buried my face in the front of Edward’s shirt and put my hands over my ears. That maneuver worked, so I stayed like that until I thought the ride was over. I sat up just in time to see mine and Edward’s reflections in a mirror with a nasty ghoul seated between us. I was so startled that I let out the loudest blood curdling scream of my adult life.
When we caught up with Emmett and Rose after exiting the ride, Emmett was doubled over in laughter at my scream. I looked around and realized he wasn’t alone in his laughter. For some reason, this pissed me off just enough to cause me to give my brother a good hard kick in the ass as I walked by.
“Bite me Emmett.” I muttered.
I managed not to make a fool of myself any more that day. The Pirates of the Caribbean ride was awesome, even if it did cause me to think about Johnny Depp.
Another embarrassing moment you’ll never live down. Thank God that Emmett doesn’t know about that one Bella.
A-men.
At that point, Alice insisted that we find a good spot to watch the parade. I couldn’t care less if I saw the parade. Sensing that Edward felt the same, I took his hand, and we slipped away from our group.
It looked as if ninety percent of the park patrons were waiting for the parade to start, so we got a couple of drinks, and found a quiet out of the way bench to sit on. Edward put his arm around me. “How are you enjoying Disneyland?” he asked.
I grinned. “It’s actually been a lot of fun. I don’t know if my opinion is tainted though.”
He looked at me questioningly.
“Well you see Edward, I’d probably enjoy anything if you were there holding my hand.”
“That was very sweet Miss Swan.” He leaned down to kiss me. Before I knew it the kiss became heated. I found myself having the urge to run my hands through his hair, so I knocked the baseball cap to the ground. Also, somehow, I ended up sitting on his lap.
How the hell did that happen?
We broke the kiss when we heard giggling and the sounds of digital cameras going off. I peeked over Edward’s shoulder to see we’d attracted a small crowd.
I guess Edward is no longer incognito. I blame it on his hair, it’s his most distinguishable characteristic. Well that and his beautiful smile. And his piercing green eyes. And his long graceful body. And his glorious ass. What the hell was I talking about before?
We both sighed at the same time, and started to laugh. “I guess we’d better get back to the group.” He whispered.
“I wondered where you disappeared to.” Alice stated. “I’ll have you know that you missed the parade.”
“Yeah, we really don’t care.” Edward told her nonchalantly.
Alice rolled her eyes.
We rode a couple more rides, but my heart wasn’t in it any more. I just wanted to be with Edward.
“That was excellent!” Emmett beamed as we exited the Star Tours ride. It was a lot more fun than I had expected.
Just then Emmett halted in his tracks, his eyes widening. “Oh I’ve got to do this.”
I directed my eyes to the spot that held Emmett’s gaze. Jedi Training Academy.
“Honey, you can’t do this. It says ages 4 to 12.” Rose said quietly.
By the look on Emmett’s face, he wasn’t deterred. I watched him approach one of the tan-robbed Jedi trainers and speak with him in a hushed voice. I also saw money exchange hands.
Emmett is bribing a Disney employee to let him participate in a kiddie show. Good grief.
We watched in stunned amusement as Emmett and all the other 4 to 12 year olds suited up as young Padawans. The brown robes were too small for my brother, so he tied one around his shoulders.
I moved closer so that I could better hear what was going on. I kind of wished I hadn’t when I heard Emmett lecturing a couple of kids standing near him. “See, I think things would have turned out differently for you little fuckers if you’d paid better attention during your training. Anakin never would have been able to wipe you out like he did.”
I cringed.
One of the little boys looked up at Emmett, and asked innocently. “What’s a fucker?”
Emmett‘s eyes widened. “Oh shit, um, I mean shoot, er, that’s one of those words used by the dark side. A young Padawan like you should never use it, or the force will not be with you. Are we clear?”
The kids standing around Emmett all nodded their heads.
“Good.”
I watched as the ‘Padawans’ were trained in the use of light sabers. All of a sudden the structure behind the trainers and their pupils started to move, and Darth Vader himself appeared.
Well, this just got a little more interesting.
I watched as my brother got a determined look on his face. Darth Maul then appeared behind Darth Vader and proceeded to prepare to do battle.
Oh shit, Emmett hates Darth Maul. He never forgave him for killing Qui-Gon.
The young Padawans were to use their newly acquired skills to fight him. I saw Emmett jump to the front of the group, and approach Darth Maul.
He spoke in a low voice. “I’m just warning you ass munch. You’d better not upset any of these little kids or I’ll kick you so hard your ‘nads will take up permanent residence in your rectum.” He threatened.
I saw ‘Darth Maul’ raise his hands in surrender while backing away from Emmett. “Dude, it’s only a job. The kids always win, it’s in my contract.“ He answered in a panicked voice.
Emmett seemed satisfied, and after gently patting D.M. on the shoulder, he went back to stand with the group.
Of course the children won the battle causing Darth Vader and Darth Maul to slink away in shame.
Emmett exited the training area with the biggest ‘shit-eating’ grin on his silly face.
We all laughed with him and at him for his juvenile antics. I was secretly pleased that I had photographic proof to show Charlie.
Alice pulled out her map, preparing to give us instructions on where to go next, when I noticed two security guards approaching.
“Are you Emmett Swan?” One guard asked my brother.
Emmett, keeping his grin, answered. “That’s me.”
“Sir, would you mind coming with us?” The guard motioned for Emmett to follow him.
Emmett shrugged. “I guess I’ll see you guys later.” He said as he turned toward us.
“Oh no Mr. Swan, your friends should come along also.” The guard announced.
We followed in silence. I couldn’t believe that we were going to be kicked out of Disneyland.
Not kicked out Bella, more like ‘banned for life‘.
Damn it. I really wanted to take my children to Disneyland some day.
“Emmett, I just want you to know that if you get me thrown out of Disneyland, I’m going to hunt you down like a dog, and kill you in the street.” Alice shouted.
My sentiments exactly.
No comments:
Post a Comment