Much later that morning we all stumbled downstairs where everyone proceeded to help make brunch.
I made French toast, and the toppings. Charlie cooked up some sausage. Emmett made his specialty, scrambled eggs, and Rose was in charge of grits and biscuits.
“I may not sound Southern, but I was born in Texas, and my Mama’s from Georgia. Tough shit if you don’t like grits, I’m making them anyway! And besides, it‘s one of the few things I know how to cook!” Rose snarked when Emmett teased her about her grits obsession.
I had to admit that I really liked grits, especially when Rose taught me the proper way to eat them.
“Never, and I mean never put sugar on grits Bella.” She had said. “It is a slap in the face to southern culture if you do. It’s one of the ways we southerners can weed out the posers.” She had whispered conspiratorially.
Did I mention that I love Rosalie? The girl has an opinion about everything.
After stuffing ourselves, we retreated to the living room with pots of hot tea and coffee. Dad and Emmett watched football, while I straightened up the room. Hurricane Emmett had cut a large path of destruction through my father’s house.
Dinner wouldn’t be for several hours, so Rose and I decided to go for a walk in order to burn off some of the holiday calories.
“Still doing okay Bells?” I know Rose was afraid that, at any moment, I was going to break down and ruin everyone’s holiday. It had happened a handful of times over the years, but I was determined to not let that happen this Christmas.
“Actually Rose, I feel better than I have since the…, since you know. Maybe I‘ve finally reached a turning point.”
She nodded slowly.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking.” I said quietly. “I only know that I’m tired of being broken. I’m almost finished school. I’m a grown woman, and I keep waiting for my life to start. I feel like I’ve fallen behind everyone else. It‘s been almost seven years. This horror has consumed a third of my life. I‘m just……. so exhausted.”
“Bella, don’t be so hard on yourself.” She slowed her walk as she thought. “What you lived through, what you had to recover from, my lord, you were so young. It would have broken stronger people than you. I think you’ve done remarkably well.”
She stopped walking at this point. “You know Emmett has nightmares.” She continued quietly.
“What?” My poor brother.
“Bells, you honestly don’t think that you’re the only one affected by what happened. Emmett was a mess. I understand why you didn’t see it. You couldn’t see anything after.. Anyway, you both lost your mother, and even though we were never in danger of losing you physically, all of us were terrified that you would never really come back to us mentally or emotionally.”
Oh God. I’ve caused so much anguish.
“Stop it Bells. Stop it right now. I can see what you’re doing. Don’t you dare take this blame upon yourself. There’s only one person to blame for this, and we both know who he is.“
My entire body tensed.
Please, don’t say his name. I can’t bear to hear it. Not today. Today is happy.
Rose stopped speaking when she saw my facial expression and tense posture. She put her arm around my shoulder, and turned us back towards the house. No more was mentioned of that unspeakable day, and that despicable man.
-------------V&V-------------
Charlie had invited friends for dinner, so as I finished preparing the rest of the food, Rose set the dining room table with Charlie‘s mismatched dishes. Emmett filled a cooler on the back porch with ice and Vitamin R.
My father was, above all, a simple man. And that was a good thing.
When everything was ready, I went upstairs to shower and change. I walked into my room to find a seething Rosalie glaring at me, my cell phone in her hand.
I am in for it now. She’s got that ‘take no prisoners’ look on her face. Shit!
“What kind of flowers did he send you Bella? I’m just curious. I mean exactly what type of flower does the man-whore think will buy you?”
“Now hold on Rosalie, that’s not fair, and what you‘re doing is an invasion of my privacy” I was getting angry. “I told him that I hated winter, and couldn’t wait for Spring to arrive so I could see tulips. He was just trying to be nice.” I defended.
“HA! I wonder how many women he’s been nice to this Christmas?”
“Babe what is going on in here?” Emmett said from the doorway.
“She read my texts, Emmett. She knows about the flowers.” I said, stupidly forgetting that I was implicating my brother.
Rose’s evil look scorched across the room, straight to Emmett. He immediately took a protective posture, and cupped his junk.
Smart boy. Rosalie “ball-buster” Whitlock was in the house.
“You know about this Emmett?” She spat.
“I saw the flowers right before we left. It’s not that big a deal, babe. And besides, it enabled me to listen to 50 Cent during the drive.” He grinned.
“What are you talking about Emmett?” Rose was confused.
“Simple, I told Bells that I wouldn’t mention the flowers to you, provided I get complete control of the car stereo on the drive here.”
Rosalie paused, still looking confused but not as angry. Emmett let down his guard a little and approached her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
And, just like that, I saw Rosalie’s shoulders relax, her anger dissipated.
Emmett is the only person on earth that can accomplish that. He dazzled her with bullshit.
“Look, Bells is going to work for Edward next week. I’m glad he seems to like her, it would be awful if he didn’t.”
“Emmett how can you have such a cavalier attitude. This guy has a reputation, don’t you care about your sister?”
And for the first time in a long time, my brother looked upset, maybe even angry.
“Rosalie.” he said sternly. “You know better than to question my love for Bella. I would kill anyone that hurt her.”
“I don’t know. Rose, look, I just have a gut feeling about this. I talked with Edward the other night. I got to know him and his family.” Emmett shook his head. “All I’m saying is that the Edward I got to know doesn’t fit the image that the media is forcing down our throats.”
“Look babe, I know guys. I am one. There’s no way that Edward uses and discards women. And remember what he said, Hollywood survives by creating illusion. I think he was trying to tell us something.”
Who knew Emmett was paying attention. And when the hell did he become perceptive? Who is this person, and what has he done with my brother?
Unbelievably, Rose seemed to give up the argument after that. Being a reporter, nothing intrigued her more than a good mystery. Emmett had given her a lot to think about.
She turned to me. “Bells, I owe you an apology. I should have given you some credit. I really worry about you, that’s all.”
“I know Rose, and I love you for it.” I answered.
“I’m willing to give Edward a chance. Emmett has never been wrong about people before, so I’m willing to step back and let you handle this. But Bella, please don’t hesitate to ask for help if you feel uncomfortable, okay?”
“You got it MamaRose. Edward’s been nothing but a gentleman, I don’t foresee any problems.” I smiled at her.
“Now, I’m going to shower and get dressed.” I still had a dinner to get through.
Emmett and Rose both hugged me before leaving the room.
--------------------V&V---------------------
By the time the guests arrived, you would have never known that Rose and I had argued.
Ever mindful that I didn’t react well to being around a lot of strangers, Charlie only invited a couple people for Christmas dinner.
Harry and Sue Clearwater were my Dad’s best friends. Their son Seth was a couple years younger than me, and was a great guy. Harry was one of Charlie’s fishing buddies, and Sue had taken Charlie and Emmett under her wing after my Mom and Dad divorced.
Their entire family had been a great help to us after my Mom’s death.
As we sat eating Christmas dinner, Sue talked about their daughter Leah, who was a couple years older than me.
Leah graduated from the University of Alaska almost three years ago, landed a job working in the Governor’s office, and married the man of her dreams a month later.
Harry and Sue were thrilled when Leah called them this morning with a Christmas surprise, they were going to become grandparents in August.
Soon, everyone retired to the living room. Dinner had been so filling that we all needed some time before tackling dessert.
I slipped through the kitchen door to Charlie‘s little covered back porch. I grabbed a vitamin R from the cooler, and relaxed in one of the deck chairs.
All this talk of dream jobs, marriages and babies brought me back to the conversation I’d had earlier with Rose.
I knew that soon, Rose and Emmett would marry and start their family. They can’t be expected to take care of me forever. .
Suddenly, I’d never felt more alone.
I had been so incredibly selfish by letting everyone else carry my problems. I needed to face up and deal with things on my own.
I could always get a job teaching here in Forks and live with Charlie. I knew if I did that, it would only be a continuation of what I was doing now, living an imitation of life. Hiding from the world.
I go to school. I work. I interact with my family, but I have no other friends to speak of. My fear of letting someone close has always been stronger than the need for companionship.
Maybe if I can survive working with Edward, and prove that I can function normally, I will know that I am truly healing. I can move forward and live the happy and normal life I was meant to.
I knew my feelings for Edward are unreasonable. If nothing else, maybe I could be his friend. Could I settle for that?
I thought for a while and realized that since my mother’s death, I’ve never allowed myself to be happy. I would always find a way to talk myself out of taking chances. Is this what I was doing with Edward?
Part of the problem was that when I was happy, I also had intense feelings of guilt. Father Pat told me it was ‘survivor’s guilt’.
And with that guilt, came the blackest thoughts imaginable:
Why didn‘t I die too? I shouldn’t enjoy anything, it‘s not right. I feel like I’m hurting my mother, when I’m happy. She doesn’t get to blow out birthday candles or open Christmas presents or see her son get married.
In the end, I knew that I was the only one that could change my course.
At that moment, I made my decision. I felt like I was on the brink, and decided to take the step forward into the unknown. I already knew what was behind me. Sorrow, confusion and despair. I was going forward.
I was going to be the best damn personal assistant Edward Masen ever had.
I was going to officially accept Alice’s invitation for Spring break. I couldn’t explain why, but I needed Alice’s friendship.
I wasn’t going to let my feelings of guilt rule me anymore. My mother would want me to live. She’d done an awful lot of living in her 41 years, almost as if she knew she didn‘t have a lot of time.
With the knowledge of my epiphany fresh in my mind, I smiled. A real smile. I saw a new future. Instead of one that was gloomy and grey, I saw one with beautiful brilliant colors,
All the colors of the rainbow, just like my tulips.
--------------------V&V--------------------
Father Pat arrived just in time for dessert, full of stories of his Christmas Day.
“Well, I was invited to dinner with the Corbit family, and I accepted. I’m here to tell you now that was a mistake.” Father said with a chuckle
“Their children were completely out of control. I knew they were badly behaved at Church, but that was nothing compared those animals in their native habitat.”
We all laughed. The Corbits had six children, ranging in age from ten years down to six months, all horrible, except maybe the baby..but I only give that until he learns to walk. Charlie always says that as soon as their twin boys become teenagers, he knows he’ll have his work cut out for him.
“The twins decided to duel above the baby’s head with their new toy rifles. One of the little girls took her new stamp pad and letter stamps, and proceeded to write dirty words all over the living room walls.”
We all cracked up at that.
“I have to say that even though she may be the spawn of Satan, her spelling was impeccable.”
“Mrs. Corbit flitted about trying to stop the madness, while himself, the esteemed Mister Corbit set his arse down on the sofa, in the middle of bedlam, and proceeded to drink his beer.”
“I had to get out of there, so as soon as the supper was over I bolted out the door, although I wasn’t fast enough to avoid getting slimed by one of them.“
Father showed us a large wet spot on the side of his shirt, it looked green.
“I think it really was slime too. What kind of eedjit gives their child slime?”
“As I was speeding down the road, sorry Charlie,” He nodded toward my Dad, “trying to put as much distance between myself and that nuthouse, I could almost hear Isabella’s apple pie calling to me.” He said with a wink.
Father Pat was such a joy to be around. We all laughed, and I made sure he got his apple pie as the men settled comfortably in the living room.
Emmett, being the moron he tends to be, decided that this was the perfect time to watch ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation‘, his last DVD choice for this holiday season.
Rose, Sue and I cleared away the mess on the dining room table, but decided the kitchen could wait until later.
Just as I grabbed my dessert, so I could join everyone else in the living room, I heard “Shitter was full”, followed by uproarious laughter.
Yep, cousin Eddie had arrived on the scene in all his dumb-ass glory.
I was a little shocked that Father Pat was laughing as hard as Emmett. To each his own, I suppose.
“You know I’m of the firm opinion that every family has at least one cousin Eddie.” said Father.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce Emmett Swan, our own resident ‘Cousin Eddie‘.
Once the movie ended, and we’d laughed ourselves silly, Harry, Sue and Seth took their leave.
Father Pat stayed a while longer. After he got through lecturing Emmett about “getting back to Church”, he kept us entertained with stories of his childhood in Ireland.
The trouble that he and his brothers got into were some of the funniest stories I’d ever heard, and I‘m related to Emmett, the uncrowned king of crazy stunts.
Father Pat left shortly after, and once the downstairs was put back in order, we all headed up to our beds.
I sat on my bed waiting for Rose to finish in the bathroom.
Just then, my phone signaled an incoming text.
B-
Here’s hoping all of your Christmas wishes came true. Sweet dreams, beautiful Bella.
-E
It was a good thing I was already sitting down. My feelings and thoughts are all over the place. Edward had me feeling things I never had.
I can’t help but think that Edward has strong feelings for me also. The flowers and the texts were starting to convince me of this. He said he would be honest, and I’m going to have to take a risk and learn to trust.
This would be the hardest thing I’ve had to do since my Mom’s death. But I had to believe that Edward was worth it.
I decided to throw caution to the wind and answer the text.
E-
Thank you Edward. I hope that you got everything you wanted for Christmas as well.
I’m looking forward to seeing you again, I enjoy your company very much.
-B
I pressed ’send’ and immediately regretted it, thinking maybe that last line was too much.
I worried my lip as I thought about it, but didn’t have much time to get worked up before my phone chirped again.
B-
When I see you again, I hope to show how much I value your company.
As for getting what I wanted, there are officially ‘twelve’ days of Christmas, and I hope to get what I really want before that time is up.
I miss your beautiful smile.
-E
==========V&V==========
I awoke in the pitch black. Something wasn’t right. I remembered I was in my old room, and reached a hand out to find the bed empty.
Supposing that Rose was in the bathroom, I waited. And of course, just because I thought about it, I had to pee.
Hurry up Rose. I need to go.
After a few minutes, I decided to go check on her. Maybe she was sick.
I walked out into the hall to find the bathroom door open, and the bathroom dark and unoccupied.
That was when I heard it.
A muffled giggle, followed by a moan, then a creak, creak, creak of the mattress, the noises were coming from Emmett’s room.
O my hell, they did not!
I pretended to be asleep when Rose came back to bed a little while later.
“Fulfilling Emmett’s fantasies part of his Christmas present Rose?” I giggled.
She gasped, then laughed and swatted me on the butt. “Shut it Bells.”
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